Schmoopy

Courageous you.

Limited Edition COURAGE pendant ~ available in my Etsy shop

I'm not sure exactly how I initially connected with Kate, and apparently she doesn't recall either, but I do remember some lovely, supportive email exchanges we have shared over this past year. One of those exchanges happened when I returned from Squam. Upon returning from that weekend, not realizing at the time I was dealing with a very real case of post weaning depression (something I had no idea even existed but whoa... something that should definitely be acknowledged more)*, I was feeling exhausted, cranky and quite weepy.

I had decided during Squam that I was going to take an early maternity leave after the holidays to focus on some other secret dreams that have been whispering to me as well as preparing for the arrival of our new daughter and spending some time with Isabella and Jimmy while it is still just the three of us. Of course once I made that decision was when I received the sweetest request from Kate to collaborate with her on her new journey... Your Courageous Life. 

She was looking to create a talisman for herself, and those who signed up for her workshops, as something to carry with them on their own courageous journey. I instantly fell in love with the idea and sentiment behind it. One of the things that warms me about Bella Wish necklaces is the stories from people who tell me they love hearing their necklace jingle when they move and how they often find themselves rubbing it reminding them of their own special words and messages worn close to their hearts. I know I do this with mine as well, so I was thrilled that Kate wanted something for the community she was creating to coincide with her workshops. And even though I knew I was going to be closing shop in January, and explained that to Kate, deep down I felt that I really wanted to do this for her, and with her.

Kate and I finally met face to face at the inspiring CORE show a few weeks ago and I found myself just wanting to cuddle with her all night if I could. She's cuddly... and loves Paris as much as I do.

Kate is also a life coach and so much of what her workshops are about are transforming our lives and finding the courage to step into the creative visions we have dreamed about for ourselves. I am such a believer in this mindset, and am continuously looking for ways to seek out my own courage, that I have become a huge cheerleader for Kate and her own visions she is stepping into. And I must say, I really love the clean , simple, yet powerful design of her new website.

Her April retreat sounds positively dreamy and if I wasn't possibly going to be in the hospital giving birth around that same time, I would be making plans to be there.

For her talisman, she wanted something simple and the above photo is the pendant we created. The first one is on its way to Kate as I write this and for anyone else who wants one, I am offering them until January 15th 2010. The pendant is a thick 3/4" 20 gauge sterling silver disc that has been oxidized and brushed by hand and hangs on either a 16" or 18" delicate, lightly oxidized sterling chain.

In fact, I suppose this would be the time to let everyone know that if there is a Bella Wish necklace you have been wanting for yourself, or for a gift, you will have until January 15th to order them as well. That is the day I will be closing up shop for a few months to prepare for our second daughter and work on some other things brewing inside me. 

*Sigh*. It's hard for me to write that. I feel a tinge of anxiety and fear thinking about closing for a while and taking a break from something I love so much that has become such a part of me. It's so hard to let go sometimes, isn't it? I suppose this is where the courage part steps in...

In other news:

Swirly necklaces ~ I will be listing four of them in my shop this week and hopefully a few more over the weekend. Finally! I know. Thank you so much for your patience. Here is the dealio in a nutshell: I chose to redesign them and the twelve I originally had were all ruined when a liquid substance I was working with seeped under the glass, muckied up Christines beautiful artwork and rendered them useless. It was really hard for me to find the motivation, and time, to start over again. But I did, and they are here and I love them so and hope you will too. I will let you know when they are listed as they will also be limited edition pieces. P.S. They are not waterproof. I learned this the hard way. Oy.

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I have two new posts up over at the Wish Studio. You can see them here and here.

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Looking to give a Bella Wish necklace for the holidays? As a small gift to you I am offering FREE SHIPPING through the month of December. All holiday orders need to be received by December 12th for holiday arrival.

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I am feeling a giveaway coming up soon....

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* I will be writing a post about my experience with this

Jimmy is destined...

me at 18.5 weeks ~ taken today

... to be surrounded by females.

We are having another girl.

Happy.

Smiling.

Gushy.

Love.

how to warm this mama's heart

Guncle's Kevin and Scott on their wedding day one year ago ~ Canon Digital Rebel XT

One great thing about living in Los Angeles is the diverse mix of people you will meet. Because of this, Jimmy and I have been lucky enough to befriend a group of wonderfully gay men who are not only all talented and fabulous ~ not to mention extremely hot ~ but have the biggest hearts around.

When our friends, Nick and Freddie, were in town visiting from London a few months back, another friend threw a cocktail party since it had been way too long since we had all been together. Yes, we brought Isabella to her first cocktail party and she loved having many sexy men doting on her all night long.

At one point she was cuddling up to one of the Guncles (I am not sure how I feel about that word yet) and he gently held her and said, "When you are older, you will come hang out with your Uncle Gary and we will watch High School Musical 14 and talk about cute boys."

My heart instantly warmed just knowing that both of my babies will always be looked out for and surrounded by this type of sweetness and raised in an environment of acceptance and pure love.

Love that sees no boundaries.

Love that sees no color lines. 

Love that sees no gender.

Love that sees no judgment.

Just love.

shop talk

first belly pic taken 3 weeks ago just shy of 14 weeks first thing in the morning ~ i am twice that size now!

Oh my goodness, I have missed being here. There is much to share and much to talk about (that I really want to talk about, that I need to talk about) but with all that is happening, my little space here has been neglected.

I hope to begin writing a bit more regularly soon, but I wanted to update you on some things happening with Bella Wish:

* Swirly necklaces:: They are coming! My apologies for dropping the ball on having these available sooner, everyone has been so patient. I ended up redesigning them and am still working on the new designs. Know that I am doing all I can to have them available very soon, definitely in time for the holidays.

* Speaking of holidays, if you have been having your eye on a Bella Wish necklace or are thinking of giving one to someone close to you, be sure to have your orders in before the end of the year. I will be starting my maternity leave in early January and will be closing down my shop for a few months. There is much nesting to be had and I will also need a bit of time to focus on a few new and fun projects I am working on. More details as soon as I can share, but I am definitely excited!

* Speaking of excited, do you know Georgia? She is so much FUN! ... and talented ... and gorgeous ... and sassy ... and a million other wonderful things. She makes the most beautiful necklaces out of butterfly wings and beach stones and also moderates the TwilightMOMS website, plus she gets to meet and photograph some of the cast of the Twilight movies. Hello, Rockstar!

Georgia was sweet enough to host a giveaway with both Denise and I. There is still time to enter, so if it looks fun to you, check it out here.

Yes, I admit it, I am a Twigeek. I read all four books over the course of a couple weeks and didn't do much else I'm afraid; I was a woman obsessed. I feel incredibly honored to be included in this giveaway. And in case you were wondering, no, Isabella is *not* named after the Isabella in the books; I wasn't introduced to the series until after she was born. However, if this baby turns out to be a boy, I may have to name him Edward. {wink}

* There is still one more day on free shipping on awareness pendants this month.

Okay, I think that is all the shoptalk for now... more on what's going on in that photo above soon.

beautiful, sleepless Erin

created by the gorgeous, talented Erin Darcy

Do you all know Erin? I am sure many of you do, but if not let me introduce you to her. You may find her over at her website Starving Artist  where you may read a bit about her and get a peek inside her beautiful world.

I have been reading her blog and loving her sweet heart, honest words and beautiful images for quite a while. I love that she is a barefoot daydreamer, just like myself. There is even a possibility that the planets may align and I will have a chance to hug her in the flesh sometime in the not-too-distant future. I can't wait for that day.

Erin recently gave me the greatest gift. I woke up a couple mornings ago to a message from her telling me how she was having trouble sleeping, tossing and turning because she had been thinking about my last post and the images it had conjured in her mind. So she created the painting above inspired by what she was seeing and had posted it on her Facebook page.

I seriously gasped when I saw the image above. Not only because she had created the sweetest visual inspired by my words, an image that resonates with so many, for many different reasons, but because it once again proves why art is so important:

It touches hearts.

It reaches out and connects us.

It gives our lives more texture, richness and meaning.

It inspires.

It's ingrained in us, motivates us and drives us out of bed when we can't sleep.

Art happens naturally and it's up to us to honor it's direction.

She is listing the above piece, along with some others, in her Etsy shop in a few weeks. I seriously can't wait to have this gorgeous, tender image hanging on my wall.

Thank you, Erin. And to all artists. You are such a gift.

why i love mornings

 

Isabella's hand taken by my friend, Suzanne Leon

Sometimes I wake before she does and watch her sleep. The innocence and peacefulness of her angelic face fill me; I could watch her sleep for hours. When she does finally stir and finds me awake, a huge smile comes over her face and she says, "Hi Mommy!"

These words spill out of her as if I have been out to sea for days and am just coming home to her now, rather than having just put her to sleep the night before. If it's a weekend and Jimmy is still in bed, I can usually glance over to find him with his eyes still closed and a warm smile spreading over his face upon hearing his daughter's sweet voice.

"Hi Baby", comes my reply. And with that we lie next to each other sharing some quiet time before our day begins. She twirls my hair with her tiny hands and I stroke her soft baby cheek and run my fingers through her hair. Sometimes there are butterfly kisses and giggles. Sometimes I have to pat her adorable bottom and sometimes she just has to stick her fingers in my nose, but mostly we gaze at each other in sweet silence.

Children can just do this, stare deep into your eyes without the need for filling that space with distraction. Adults have a much harder time with this, oftentimes letting our own issues and insecurities get in the way, needing to fill each space with noise. I find that I can easily connect with her gaze for as long as we lie there, just being in this moment. Yet, one more thing she teaches me.

This sweet time together usually comes to an end when her Daddy finally starts to stir, or if he is coming into the bedroom to kiss us goodbye before leaving for work. I don't mind, having had these few silent moments together sets the tone for our entire day. I am filled with deep gratitude that our mornings right now are not filled with a sense of urgency of having to be somewhere on time and that we can truly just ease into our day in such a tender way.

She and I spend each day together but these silent morning moments are sacred to me. It's a true time of connection before our day of activities, play, errands and meals take over. I don't take them for granted. I know these moments won't last forever. In fact, when the new baby arrives our household will once again adjust to accommodating the schedule of a newborn and these morning moments with Isabella may be lost.
I know this.

But my promise to her (to both my children) is that we will always find a way to connect like this, even for the briefest of moments, each day.

where i stand

There is a quote in this month's Body + Soul magazine: Fall represents a return to roots. Let yourself rest and replenish.

I have been taking this quote to heart. Since returning home from Squam, I have been focusing on basic survival needs: food, rest, more rest. In the past few months I had been living in a funk, a funk I was so deep in, it took me a while to even realize it.

Summer in southern California is not a happy time for me. I am not one who thrives in sunshine and heat. I much prefer sweaters, clouds and brisk breezes. Summer in our home also means living without modern conveniences like air-conditioning, and our huge west-facing glass door, while offering us an amazing view, catches and holds heat in an oppressive way. Each year I swear it's the last, but twelve years later here I sit. 

This year seemed to me to be the hardest summer yet. The triple-digit heat combined with my sheer lack of motivation in my work, being forced out our home each day for hours just to keep my daughter, and myself, comfortable, pregnancy hormones, financial worries, losing Nevada, sleep deprivation and wondering if we would ever be able to move all began to take it's toll on me and as the days wore on, I found myself deeper and deeper in a major slump. Whenever I would see one of those Facebook quizzes that asked when the last time you cried was, the answer in my head would always be something like "twenty minutes ago."

The turning point for me came one night when we rented the movie Revolutionary Road. Although we don't relate to the characters in the film, their story is as follows: Unhappy with the status quo, couple decides to move to Paris where she will support the family while he finds his passion. Sound familiar? When they discover they are pregnant, plans change and the wife becomes more and more depressed. I am sure most of you know the story, but if you are unfamiliar with the story, I won't get into more than that. Suffice it to say that it is not the feel good movie of the year but after watching, when I told Jimmy that I could relate to what she was going through, I think he became a bit scared. I don't think any man wants his wife to understand what the character of April Wheeler is going through.

That movie, while depressing as hell, prompted many honest talks from both of us. In many ways, I didn't realize how unhappy I was with some areas of my life, and he didn't either. I realized that I am not alone in wanting to change some things (mainly our living situation) and now feel like we are a team working together to make that happen.

And then there is Paris. As we become more excited each day about the idea of adding to our family, the dream of Paris began to fade right before our eyes. A couple of well-meaning friends said we still had to go, that we could have a baby in Paris and still follow that dream. I know they are just being encouraging, but hearing their words would just cause my heart to sink to my stomach. My dream isn't to go to Paris as a high risk pregnancy and find a new doctor to deliver our new baby, especially with my very limited French speaking skills. My dream isn't to spend my year there raising a newborn. My dream is to spend a year supporting my family so my husband can have a year off from work to spend with his family while we discover a bit about life in France. 

France isn't going anywhere, and we will be there one day, when the time is right. For now, we are fully focused on bringing this new life here to us safely and healthy.

My favorite season Fall has arrived and with it my spirits have been lifted. I suppose I am very ruled by the seasons, but something as simple as not being forced out of my home each day due to intolerable heat has made the world of difference in my mental state. I realize I may be the only person who doesn't have a love affair with summer (Summer makes me lazy, and not in a good way). Since returning home from Squam, and enjoying the cooler temperatures, I have been craving life's simple pleasures: holding hands with my love, hearing my daughter laugh, warm soup and toasty bread, feeling a cool breeze on my face.

While I make plans to take Isabella apple picking, helping her carve her very first pumpkin and happily watching my baby-filled belly grow, I am also navigating what is next for me here, in this space. What is next for Bella Wish? What is next for me? What do I want my life to ultimately look like? Right now I am unsure, I don't have many answers... and that is okay.

Encouraged by my amazing friend, Kristen, I have been journaling (with a pen! and paper!) and inspired by my class with Sarah, have been jotting down ideas and tucking away images in a sketchbook. I've even been stealing moments here and there during the day to sit very still and be quiet with my thoughts in an attempt to clear some of the clutter that was accumulating. These simple tools are helping me to focus on what I do want, as well as help to see what is no longer serving me so I may let it go.

Something about the freshness of Fall has me wanting to take my camera outdoors (something I haven't done in such a long time). I am craving the luscious imagery of Fall colors in a huge way. Right now, where I stand, I am feeling lighter in my step. I am dropping my leaves* and preparing for renewal. The fog is lifting and I am finally feeling rested and replenished. I am feeling much more like me after a dark few months and once again optimistic about the future. It feels good.

*thank to sweet Lis for the beautiful metaphor.

awareness

Survivor and Awareness pendants available in my Etsy shop

Just a quick announcement that in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I am offering free shipping on both of my awareness pendants for the month of October. 20% of this month's proceeds are also being donated to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for cancer research.

As someone whose family has been affected by different forms of cancer a few times now, I know finding a cure is a very important topic for all of us. The photos above show pink beads to represent breast cancer, but please know the color of bead in these necklaces may be substituted to represent the different colors associated with different cancers.

Contact me for more details.

quick announcement

I had every intention of having my new necklaces (collaboration with Christine Mason Miller)  listed and up on Etsy today until I ran into bout after bout of technical difficulty last night while trying to do so.

I finally decided that rather than be up all night in a fit of frustrated tears, that the world would not spin off of it's axis if I took some time to figure out what is going on and enlist the help of my Mac Daddy. (aka my husband, Jimmy)

I know there are those of you who are patiently waiting and have emailed me really excited about purchasing one or more of these (which makes me really excited) and I am so sorry to be making this announcement, but I will have more info soon as to when they will finally be listed.

Thank you all so much for your continued support and patience.

this is my message to you