May 11, 2008

redefining

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photo by jimmy ~ processing by denise ~ pendant and t-shirt by andrea

Moth-er (n)  1.  A female person who conceives, gives birth to, adopts, or raises a child.  2.  A female ancestor.  3.  Something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else.  4.  A woman who creates, originates, or founds something.
5.  YOU.

Whether you are raising children ~ have raised children ~ are expecting and are about to raise children ~ are traveling on the tender pathway of the sometimes insightful, oftentimes painful journey of longing for your babies to just get here already ~ as well as for us amazing women who conceive and give birth to new and creative ideas, love them ~ believe in them ~ nurture and manifest them to fruition, this day is for you. for us.

Wherever you are on your journey, we are all mother's in this sense.
Connected. Creative. Fertile. Strong. Celebrated.

Happy Mother's Day to us all.

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May 05, 2008

six weeks of cuteness

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(click on picture for a larger image)

i am working towards writing a post with some sort of substance (read: longer than one sentence) and hope to get back to reading blogs one of these days, but pictures tell the story for now.

happy six week birthday baby belle!

April 30, 2008

schmoozy toes...

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...perfect for nibbling

*thea posted a tutorial on photoshop textures on her business blog, so i am playing today for a bit... in between toe~nibbling, of course.

this is my first attempt at textures and although it's obvious how photoshop challenged i am, they are fun. does anyone know a good site for fun textures?

April 28, 2008

sunday afternoon

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daddy's girly ~ (click for slightly larger image)

enjoying her sunny smiles and the amazing new cd from the weepies ...

what beauty did you find this weekend?

April 24, 2008

one month

dear Isabella ~

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welcome to the world! you became a part of it one month ago today via c-section. having a c-section was a strange experience but the best part was hearing your first cries and knowing you were okay, followed by when your father ran over to me after cutting your cord and declaring, "she definitely has the Manning hair." you will get to know all of the Manning family and understand what this means.

as i write this with my right hand you are curled up in my left arm, holding on to my hand and sleeping peacefully. these quiet times make me happy because although you are generally pretty calm spirit most of the time, you have discovered the power of your voice these past couple of weeks which has your father saying things to you like, "i bet you can't scream louder than your pants."

know that your daddy is really funny and keeps me laughing everyday and i just know the bond you two will create will be beautiful and unbreakable. and as it turns out, you are louder than your horizontal fuchsia striped pants.

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your father could barely tear himself away from you those first few days he had to go back to work while we were still in the hospital and it's equally hard for him now a month into this. he comes home from work and immediately wants to have some daddy time, we are very lucky girlies.

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you have had lots of visitors this first month too. your grandma Linda came to stay with us the first couple weeks you were here to help out and your grandpa Don, grandma Tracy and aunt Kaitlyn drove five hours just to meet you for an evening. lots of friends have come by to meet you (that is your gorgeous auntie Suzanne below) and your father and i are starting to show you the world a bit by taking you out on walks and to outdoor cafe's.

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your life right now is basically nursing, pooping, nursing, sleeping, nursing and nursing which is sometimes followed by the screaming because it's been twenty minutes since i last fed you. you are definitely our happy little eater. i don't mind however because i know this time will soon pass as you grow and change each day. is it strange that although i look forward to all the changes to come that i am already missing you yesterday?

one amazing change is that you have started smiling in the last couple days (i am trying to capture a photo) which has just melted us. you look at us and just smile with your entire face and body and it makes me want to nibble on your toes that much more.

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even though you are all kinds of good and gorgeousness, we do need to discuss this lack of sleep situation. the first night you were in the world i slept a total of twenty minutes and it feels as if i haven't had much more since then. you like to eat every two  hours no matter what time it is so my request in the next couple of weeks is that you realize that you would rather sleep at night and eating can wait until the sun is rising. deal? we can discuss this more when you wake me up at 2:30 am tomorrow morning.

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even with the lack of sleep, having you here with us has been nothing short of incredible. your father and i are so in love with you and embraced being a family the very moment we saw you in the hospital. it feels completely natural to have you here. the moment i saw your sweet face, i just knew you were our baby, no matter how long the journey took to get you here. you are our dream come true. and your father and i will always be here for you to keep you safe and comforted.

love,
momma

*unretouched photos, momma doesn't have time to photoshop. {wink}

April 17, 2008

the art of mastering motherhood

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angel face

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what happens behind the scenes

believe me, i laughed while i was writing the title of this post so know that it is written in jest. it's just that a friend of mine commented on my last post that i seemed to have "mastered motherhood" which made me laugh out loud for about a good ten minutes.

true, all my posts as of late have been all about Isabella, simply because she is my entire life in this moment and these posts are also meant for her to look back on someday, should she choose to. i always want her to know how loved and wanted by her father and i she is but if any of that gives the impression that we have mastered anything, i wish to correct that immediately.

before Bella was born, i was always in awe of parents who had nursery's with cribs and matching bumpers, walls painted with bunnies and butterflies where everything was just perfect. i think about a former boss of mine who had a nursery that was taken straight out of the pages of a Pottery Barn catalog set up and ready to go before she was five months pregnant. these are things back then that made me feel that i would be a bad parent if i ever had children. knowing me, i knew i could never get it together like that and if i couldn't put the perfect nursery together, than how could i compete? 

i know now that none of that matters and gorgeous nurseries are just eye candy for parents, however, i admit when i was pregnant with Isabella i felt guilty that she didn't have her own nursery. she shares part of my studio with me and we had wonderful friends lend us things like her bassinet, bathtub, etc. however, we don't have a crib for her and aren't sure when, or if, we will get one. Reason being that we love having her in our room with us snuggled closely.

now that she is here and i am experiencing motherhood firsthand, i wonder if we would even use a nursery for her, we have kind of approached parenting in a "try it and see" kind of way. meaning that sometimes i feed her on the couch in the living room, sometimes in our bed, wherever works. we roll the bassinet from room to room depending on where we are, but have discovered she sleeps better, and longer, in bed snuggled with us so that is where she is most nights now. we do change her diapers on her changing table, but she gets swaddled anywhere there is an open space. which, by the state of chaos our place is currently in means searching hard for an open space in which to swaddle.

i think of my former boss who did all these things, with grace, style and perfect hair all in her baby's beautiful nursery while i snuggle Bella on the couch with my feet up on one of our dining room chairs watching an old episode of Sex and the City and wondering how long it's actually been since i have had a shower and guiltily waiting for her to go to sleep so i can sneak into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

i have also been wearing the same clothes pajamas since Monday. i attend an amazing breast-feeding support group so i don't give into the frustrations that sometimes occur at 4:00 am when she is crying and i am tempted to give her formula to satisfy her and say to hell with breast-feeding.

this is just to say that although we are showering this little girl with oodles of love, snuggles, kisses and off key lullabies, which i know is what is most important, we are two dog-tired, tag-teaming parents who when she projectiled yellow baby poop all over herself, us, the walls and her changing table the other evening burst into laughter at the sheer comedy of it all.

i have mastered nothing. i am just a new mother doing the best i can, enjoying the hell out of my daughter and learning what works, and what doesn't, along the way.

April 16, 2008

discovering

Faces
discovering the many faces of isabella

part of being a new parent is opening yourself up to discovery.

~ discovering what works for you and your baby, as well as acknowledging what doesn't
~ discovering, and honoring, the mother's intuition inside you that eventually gives you the confidence to not run to the books each time she cries but rather trusting your instincts in how to soothe her
~ discovering that it's okay to cry when the sleep-deprived hormones take over
~ discovering it's fun to laugh at all the wonderfully silly faces a newborn makes
~ discovering that there is nothing like the feeling of snuggling a sleeping baby
~ discovering that your husband is above and beyond the father you knew he would be
~ discovering that although every day these first few weeks currently seem the same ~ nursing, changing diapers, nursing, laundry, nursing ~ realizing that each day is full of change and new things to discover about your baby ~ and savoring all these moments, even the challenging ones
~ discovering that parenting is even more amazing, challenging and rewarding than i imagined it would be

****

other things i have currently discovered*

* hairdryers will instantly calm a crying baby ~ thank you Dr. Harvey Karp!

* soaking tea bags in cool water is a natural way to help soothe sore nipples

* baby legs ~ adorable and practical

* it's all about Butt Paste for diaper changing

* however, Weleda products smell incredibly yummy, like a baby spa treatment

* that i can type an entire post with one hand while the other is holding baby bella

what have you discovered lately?

*Thank you to all who left comments on my last post. I am building some yummy late night playlists.*

April 08, 2008

late night music

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sweetly snuggled in after nursing

these first few weeks of adjusting to parenthood are a strange combination of overwhelming love, pure bliss, complete exhaustion, hormonal tears and a new appreciation of what all the parents before me were talking about. and although she is starting to sleep in at least one four-hour stretch at night, i find myself awake and nursing into the wee hours of the morning.

when i worked in film, i often would work late into the night, sometimes until the sun was rising. during these nights it was music that kept me going. back then it was Zero 7 specifically, Simple Things and When It Falls.

they seemed to know exactly how to comfort me in those long and quiet hours of darkness when i felt like the only person awake in the world. if i find a band or song i like, i will run it into the ground with how often i play it and this particular band were my late night companions during those nights so long ago.

i am looking for some new music now to keep Isabella and i company during these late night/early morning feedings so i thought i would turn to you all.

do you have a favorite song or band that you can tell me about? perhaps one that helped you through a particular period in your life? or one that sounds really good at 4:00 am when you are running on three hours of sleep?

April 03, 2008

your hands

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father & daughter

When your hands go out,
love, toward mine,
what do they bring me flying?
Why did they stop
at my mouth, suddenly,
why do I recognize them
as if then, before,
I had touched them,
as if before they existed
they had passed over
my forehead, my waist?

Their softness came
flying over time,
over the sea, over the smoke,
over the spring,
and when you placed
your hands on my chest,
I recognized those golden
dove wings,
I recognized that clay
and that color of wheat.

All the years of my life
I walked around looking for them.
I went up the stairs,
I crossed the roads,
trains carried me,
waters brought me,
and in the skin of the grapes
I thought I touched you.
The wood suddenly
brought me your touch,
the almond announced to me
your secret softness,
until your hands
closed on my chest
and there like two wings
they ended their journey

~ pablo neruda

March 31, 2008

one week old

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isabella ~ one week old

we are taking time to adjust to our new lifestyle as a threesome (foursome including Nevada, our cat) so posts will be short here for a while.

but know that she is 143 kinds of cuteness and smells incredible...

thank you for your sweet congratulatory comments and emails. i am still reading through them.
please forgive me if i don't answer email for a while, i just can't stop staring at isabella.

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