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« Sanctuary | Main | post-op **UPDATE** »

June 11, 2007

Comments

Sue

I don't quite know what to say.....I obviously wish you success with the fibroid removal & with your future dreams of motherhood, that I am certain you will be able to fulfill soon. I can't imagine someone telling you to "get over it"....I really can't. :( Let's just hope it was a statement that simply came out wrong. IF you ever get over it, do it at your own pace & don't let anyone else dictate to you otherwise. ANY loss is difficult and some folks just don't get it & never will because they have not walked in your shoes.

Like you, I am truly amazed at how frequent miscarriages happen. Maybe people are more public with that information now than in the past? I don't know. I can honestly say that nearly every woman I know that has a child or wants one, has suffered at least one miscarriage in her lifetime. A bit shocking, especially when you hear more about unwanted pregnancies (generally in teens) than you do about miscarriages of wanted pregnancies.

You are strong & you will overcome all of this heartache to play the role of "Mommy" in the near future -- I have faith. You will be in my thoughts & prayers, as always. And, above all, you know I am here if you need to bend an ear. Best wishes & big hugs!! XOXO

schmoops

Sueberry,

No, this was not a statement that came out wrong. This was someone who made it very clear to me that we all go through shit in life and that I need to get over it already. This was also someone who I wouldn't call a close friend, or even a friend anymore, who I have been there for in the past while they were experiencing loss, so I also know some of her past and know she is a bit bitter as a result to say the least. This is why I don't take it personal, but share it what she said because people can be insensitive and while we all hurt and experience loss, you can still be careful in your choices of what you say to others.

Thanks for your thoughts and continued support. xoxo

Stacie

d.

Oh what to say? Sitting on the other side as an expectant mom, who quite honestly still does ache for you and hasn't forgotten what next week would have been, is a strange place to be.

Even though you have bared your soul to us so freely I know that we can never truly know what you, personally, are feeling. Even women who have endured what you have have no doubt handled it in ways that are specific to who they are as people; each experience is no doubt unique.

I read this and even though you have come such a long way from where you were my heart breaks all over again the same way it did when I first got the news. And even though I know you WILL go on to have your baby, I know that that knowledge or fact does not replace the ones you have lost or take away the pain you and Jimmy have suffered.

I'm happy that you are secure enough in yourself and your convictions not to allow people who make insensitive comments under the guise of being "helpful" to get to you. Comments like that rarely ever are helpful and should best be left unsaid.

I'm also glad that you are not embarrassed by your miscarriage and do not consider it a personal failure. What happened is wretched, there is no question of that, but it certainly had nothing to do with you. Sadly, we cannot control everything in our lives, least of all our inner workings.

Your story is inspirational even for someone like myself who is expectant and is still hoping to carry to term. As you know, there are no guarantees.

Thank you for sharing this with us and know that you and Jimmy are always in my prayers and that I, we love you both very much and cannot wait for the day that our babies are playing happily together while we sip wine and feast on some culinary delights you have prepared. :)

Much love always,
d.

daisies

oh honey, i found myself nodding along all the way through this even though i didn't miscarry i sat in an emergency room for 8 hours with blood pouring out of me at the 12 month mark thinking i was and then i lived with the fear that i would for the next 12 weeks.

Two things stand out ~ that loss, the loss of your hopes and dreams and the letting go of a life path, that was and still is the hardest for me. The other thing was that every day in order to get to the nicu, i had to walk through the pretty walls filled with teddy bears and crying healthy babies, babies that would live and grow as parents proud filled the halls and I would walk like a ghost filled with pain and hope, tears always on my face.

i love you and i love that you share it all here ...

you are so right about it being healing both to share it all and to read of other experiences ... so personal and yet so shared. when my babies died, i was amazed when i came back to work and discovered all the other people who it happened to as well, so many of us walking around filled with that loss, so very many. sigh.

did i say i love you ~ because i do. xoxoxox

amanda

i sit with tears in my eyes as i read this. remembering having to get off the elevator on the floor with the newborns as i was waiting for my second DNC...when you describe it as loss of one's hopes and dreams, that is exactly how it feels to me. everyday i still wish for my baby to be here. people still look at me strangly when i get upset about my miscarriage because they assume you just move on. but every month i can't help but think, oh he would be 5mos or this is when i would have delivered... i love that you talk about it on here with such raw honesty and compassion. i will be praying and sending so much love your way thurs...and everyday as you go down this path.
xoxo
a

Tina

You are such a strong person Stacie.

I applaud you wanting to keep talking about your miscarriage and the heartbreak you experience. It's been over 12 years since my miscarriage, but I do still remember the emptiness and hurt you talk about. Everything you talk about and the ache and hurt you feel I know and remember.

And I remember the "hesitant" feeling when I was pregnant with both of my girls. Wanting to be so happy, but also feeling reserved about it too.

And just to let you know, that after having a miscarriage and two girls, I am still pro-choice. That's what it means. To have a choice.

I'm always here for you, no matter what.

I'm wishing you many good thoughts and prayers for Thursday and the days before and beyond that.

Nikole

You were right about the irony abound this week. What a beautiful, honest post.

I'm so thankful that you are sharing your story, your insights, and your journey. I share so many of your feelings - you have put them into words so beautifully.

Sending you love and light at this time of most painful memories, and strength for your surgery and healing...and hope...always hope.

xoxoxoxo

megan

i came across your blog via Nikole, and what an amazing post to discover you with. so much of what you wrote resonates with me. sending you much good energy for thursday and beyond.

ceanandjen

Oh sweetheart, I am left a bit breathless and certainly speechless after reading this post. First, I have to say that I am in complete awe at your ability to so beautifully share yourself. I completely support and respect your thoughts on all of this, and I just don't understand how anyone could be so insensitive as to say the things you have heard.

You deserve all the support and love in the world, and my sincere hope is that all of your hopes and dreams do come true.

You are such a special and beautiful person.

Sending you all kinds of love.xoxoxo

boho girl

my friend...this was so beautifully written. i feel like you need to send it into some magazines or newspapers or something to help with the awareness and sensitivity on this topic.

i whole heartedly agree with you about the need for a private space to cry, pray, grieve, adjust. oh how i agree.

you are such a strong, strong spirit and teach me so much on this journey.

keep sharing your heart here. we all need to hear it and are blessed by your bravery, honesty and truthfulness.

i love that you continue to see the gifts of this journey in the midst of all the pain. i get it...i do, you know this.

i am holding your hand on this journey and all other ones.

healing prayers to your belly tomorrow for surgery. feel our warm hugs around you.

love you and am amazed by you.

xo

leah

i'm touched by your raw openness here. i hope that in sharing your pain, it will help you as you begin to heal. i can't imagine the pain that you must feel having been through these two huge losses. i would consider them deaths as well. it is strange that miscarriage isn't talked about more. i've found that many issues that involve the female body are made out to be shameful and hidden. by writing about it here, you will help many others i'm sure. take good care of yourself.

la vie en rose

thank you for sharing your story...

She-Doods

Dear friend - Every day I look forward to reading your words, your feelings, your dreams and your fears. I know many people can identify with with you. You are brave to come forth with true emotions and sincere feelings. No one ever gets over anything so huge. We just learn to cope with it, and if coping means speaking out about it and sharing it with others, then let it all out! It's good for you, and it's good for others to hear a voice that is truly connected to the heart. I admire you for your honesty - I really do.

I think you are a beatiful woman, and I've told you this before: you touch me with your words. I am sending you and Jimmy love vibes filled with tenderness and warmth. I hope you receive them.

jen

It is August 2009 and I am going through your archives reading through your journey to conceive. I too have had 2 consecutive miscarriages and am going through the process of testing and medicalizing this process. It has worn me out so much, but finding your story has renewed me. I thank you for your words. They are a true blessing to me, two years after you wrote them. I only hope that my story ends with such a happy ending.

sincerely, Jennifer from Seattle, WA

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