first attempt at TTV ~ obviously I need to practice
Thoughts of my time at Squam Art Workshops have been tumbling through my head and heart since my return back to Los Angeles. I've been letting them swirl around a bit and settle as my time home has consisted mostly of sleeping, which is what my body has been needing for a long long loooong time.
If you are like me and had been reading Squam posts with wonder, longing and yes, jealousy, as I was a year ago I think it means that there is that part inside of you that will make it happen so you can experience it for yourself. What Elizabeth has put together is a beautiful space meant to be shared, explored and experienced. If it is your wish, I truly hope you go. It's so worth it. Thank you, Elizabeth for following your dream for the rest of us.
I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say, and am still unsure, but thought I would start by putting somewhat of a list together for myself of what I might do differently next time. This was my first time at a retreat of this nature and I was a complete newbie trying to navigate my way through. I think with anything the more you do something the better you get at it so I suppose that means I just need to attend more art retreats {smile}. Again, I created this list only for myself and it's not at all intended to be a guide for anyone else -- when you go your experience will be completely different. However, if this helps any of you along the way, all the better...
Reconsider attending if you are in your first-trimester of pregnancy. I know many women who breeze through their first three months of pregnancy without one bout of nausea, but that has not been the case for me. I have been sick, nauseous, hormonal (like crazy psycho hormonal), weepy and tired this entire pregnancy, even more so than I was with Isabella and things were a bit rough-going for me. I just haven't been feeling like myself and carried this with me. I found myself needing to sneak out of class to lie down and not able to partake in some of the adventures I would otherwise have been able to, like jumping in the lake nekkid or dancing the night away. Of course I am embracing all of these changes in my body, but it did contribute to my experience overall.
Leave all expectations at the door. My first rule of Squam since the day I registered was to bring zero expectations with me. But I will admit that after reading many of the posts from last year there were one or two that I couldn't shake. I was quickly reminded that attaching an expectation to anything we do is bound to leave one dissapointed so the first rule of Squam is to let go of expectation immediately.
Explore the grounds. My god, New Hampshire is beautiful. In Los Angeles, a city I have lived in off and on for an astounding number of years, I still can't find my way around yet I was able to navigate my way pretty quickly through the trees as if I had spent every summer of my life there.
Bring a flashlight. Common sense I know, but city kitty here completely forgot. Thank god for my roommate who brought two. She's a smart cookie, and insanely hot too.
Bring a heating pad. It gets cold at night.
Bond with your dock. I believe that every cabin has a private dock. At least one evening grab a bottle of wine, a candle or two and a couple willing participants and spend the evening lying out on it stargazing. I didn't do that this time and actually regret it.
Show some restrain in the dining hall. No forget I said that, the food is just. too. good.
Know you are safe. The true magic of Squam is the hearts and souls of the people who attend. People you may already be friends with, people you have connected with through their art/blogs/emails/phone dates, people you don't even know yet but will nestle their way into your hearts. Even in my weariest moments I felt seen, understood and embraced. I met in the flesh people I have connected with in cyberspace that felt like we had known each other all our lives, it was that natural. So many of us are there sharing the experience of breaking down walls through art, friend connection and rediscovery of ourselves through leaving our day-to-day lives for a bit. This is where the magic truly lies.
The magic is in the moments. Walking with Denise hand in hand in total darkness letting Jonatha's voice be our guide to the bonfire late that first night. Snuggling with Susannah on the sofa while my cabinmates danced the night away. Sitting alone on the dock: writing, dreaming, being. Sarah's two minute exercise that forced me to put paint on canvas. A sweet moment with Kristen. Getting Jenica glam ready for vendor night. An afternoon adventure with Thelma and Louise. Late night pajama picnics in our bedroom sharing birth stories. Sweet Lesley saying really nurturing things to me when I needed to leave Hula's class and relax for a bit. Witnessing Miles in his happy place on his Daddy's shoulders. Gathering leaves to write love notes. Picking wildflowers for our room. Too many sweet and tiny moments that make up each of our unique experiences is what make it all worth it.
Embrace serendipity when it happens. I experienced two standout serendipitous moments at Squam. The first was Saturday evening before vendor night. I hadn't signed up for the potluck dinner and suddenly found myself walking to my cabin after a beautiful afternoon feeling suddenly quite alone and pregnant lady hungry. Just when I was thinking that I would take some dried prunes and dill pickle chips down to the dock for a solo picnic, angel Thea pulls up in her car and tells me to get in. We ended up in town having a really nice dinner together before heading to vendor night, complete with insanely yummy french fries made by the cutie boy at the general store.
The second was at the airport after Squam. Because my life is the way it is, I booked my flight home for the 20th of October rather than September but didn't realize it until I went to check in. My brilliance is astounding, I know. After hearing that all flights were sold out and I probably wouldn't be flying out that day I completely lost it. My exhaustion, emotions and deep longing to get home to my two loves came pouring out of me and I crumbled into a complete mess of tears. Thank God for Denise, who walked and talked me through it, and even cried with me (she's such a sweet empath). I arrived at the Delta counter after some not-so-friendly encounters at other airlines and a really sweet gentleman went above and beyond to get me on a flight that had me arriving home earlier than my original one in spite of all flights being overbooked. I heart you so, Delta airlines. When I arrived at the gate, the first person I see is Jen, who immediately scooped me up and in her patented Jen Gray way soothed me with her love balm, and just made it all better. Once I was settled on the plane who should be sitting right next to me but lovelies Kelly, and Tracey who filled me with their light and love the entire leg of the flight. Something that started out as truly awful turned into exactly what I needed. Serendipity.
Schedule some playtime. I scheduled three classes and I was so happy I did. Each one broke me open in a new way and I will be sharing more about those experiences, but I think that next time I want to have a full day to play in the woods a bit. Sadly, my camera didn't get much use this time.
Arrive the day before registration. I didn't arrive until late in the evening on Wednesday and missed all of the welcoming ceremonies including Jenny Doh's talk which I heard was amazing and most of Jonatha singing at the bonfire. I was a bit bummed by this and would next time consider getting a hotel the night before and a explore a bit of New Hampshire before registration.
Bring plenty of cash for vendor night. I wanted to take home something from each table and support every artist, it was all just so gorgeous.
On your way out of town, leave some time to explore Wholly Tara. My but she makes some purdy things. A couple of my cabinmates came home with her oh-so-cute ruffle skirts. I so want one for myself.
Consider bringing the family next time. I know I needed to do this for myself but I was missing Jimmy and Isabella deeply, in ways I didn't even expect. I had moments of sadness thinking how much Isabella would have loved running through the woods and how Jimmy would have been the first to jump in the lake, or had his guitar out on the porch at night serenading us. I suppose I was just wishing to share the beauty of the woods with them. I don't think it's any coincidence that I was completely drawn to Pixie and her beautiful family much of my time at Squam. I seriously couldn't get enough of the four of them and it reminded me of what I was missing here at home and how lucky I feel to be able to experience life soon as a foursome.
*sigh*. a foursome.
More soon....
