Bella Wish

mother love

Terri and Jess

I have so much love for all the mama's in the world, in whatever form the word mama takes. The ones with children and the ones with puppies. The ones waiting for their babies and the ones birthing their passions. The ones who grieve and the ones filled with hope.  The aunts, the honorary aunties, the sisters and the sister wives.

While I am beyond grateful to my sweet Isabella and Mia for making me their mama, (I fear I will never have the words to describe what it means for me to to be their mama), and for my own mama for giving me life,  I also recall this post I wrote two years ago and it reminds me to remember what this day is truly about.

I've recently been invited to circle with some truly magnificent, wildy creative, funny and beautiful women and mama's - seven of which I had the pleasure of celebrating a weekend with in a somewhat ceremonious ritual of transition and fertility for Beltane*. These women are balms for my soul. They teach by standing in their truth, love openly and fiercely, quite frankly blow my mind with their wit, wisdom and brilliance and come when they are called. I want to wear them on me like the sweetest smelling essential oils that they remind me of.

Jess & Kodiak

One of these sister mama friends just helped me fill a recent Bella Wish wholesale order of seventy-five necklaces by opening her home and her studio to us so I could work without distraction. In the time spent with her, one of us working or cooking while the other played with our children, I truly understood the collective powers of mothers working together and what many of us miss by not having these practices in place. Truly, I am still amazed at how I was able to create forty necklaces, drink two cocktails, jump on a trampoline, relax with coffee after feeding four children in the morning, stand in truth with another mama and friend, and still feel relaxed and in no way stressed with happy children intact, all in just under 24 hours. Sign me up for communal living please!

Pixie wearing her Bella Wish talisman

Having said this, I also continue to hold a sweet place of love for one woman who births so much passion into the world with her work and is now doing all she can to help another mama. She mothers in ways I simply cannot. Please take a moment if you can to read about her To Mama With Love fundraiser here, I believe it will move you as it moved me.

What I rediscover over and over again is whatever it is that we are mothering in our lives can and should be celebrated today, and everyday, and that when we birth something in our lives, whether that be our children, our dream or a published novel, we also rebirth ourselves.

Jenica, Julie and Terri

Celebrating all of us mama's - past, present and future today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* I was having this fantasy of creating time to write an entire post about Beltane, but really, who am I kidding? I still haven't written one sentence about Mia's first birthday - which took place over a month ago.

Life offline is happening much too quickly these days.

I miss it here sometimes.

 

so very merry

winter treats

Today was Isabella's last day of school for winter break. To celebrate the holidays all the kids performed a play and we had a party afterward. The rain kept us indoors most of the morning but seeing it all come together after a couple weeks of some pretty entertaining rehearsals was another reminder how grateful I am that we have found such a beautiful space for her to explore and discover in a safe and nurturing environment.

These were taken with my iPhone and you can see by the blurriness that it was all just a flurry of activity. I had to giggle because with the exception of having her face painted, Isabella could not have been less interested in being part of the play at all, preferring to play with the trains while her older friends were performing their parts. But when the singing and music began she was suddenly a dizzying tornado of smiles, twirls, joy and laughter.

It was awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I made Coffee Fudge Brownies for the party. The recipe is from The Kind Diet and I couldn't believe how good they were. I didn't think anyone would actually eat them since they are vegan but I found that whenever I would mention that they were vegan the reply was always, "Really??! I just ate like six of them."

I barely made it out the door without people grabbing extras and even Jimmy who was a bit hesitant at first ate about four once he tried them. These are super moist, rich, decadant and about fourteen other kinds of yum.

I didn't put the walnuts in because I am a freak who doesn't like the combo of nuts and chocolate. However, I did use almond milk and doubled the recipe.

COFFEE FUDGE BROWNIES

For the brownies:
3/4 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
3/4 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups maple sugar (I used organic sugar and a splash of maple syrup)
3/4 cup soy/rice milk blend (or any nondairy milk)
3/4 cup brewed decaf coffee
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup walnuts, toasted and chopped

For the glaze:
1 1/2 cups grain-sweetened, nondairy chocolate or carob chips
1/2 cup Earth Balance (or other vegan) butter

Heat the oven to 325 degrees. Oil an 8- or 9-inch-square baking pan.
In a large bowl, sift together both flours, the cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Stir in the maple sugar.
In a separate bowl, stir together the milk, coffee and oil. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, and stir to mix well.
Stir in the walnuts, then pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted at the center comes out clean.
Place the pan on a wire rack to cool completely.
Once the brownies have cooled, prepare the glaze.
In a small saucepan or double boiler bring about 1 inch of water to a boil. Set a stainless steel bowl over it.
Add the chocolate chips and butter to the bowl and stir until melted and smooth.
Pour the warm glaze over the entire pan of brownies, smoothing it over the surface.
Chill until the glaze has set, about 1 hour.

Today was a delicious start to our winter break.

GIVEaway ~ Currently feeling nice, with shades of naughty

{click photo for large image}

I came into the holiday spirit quite early this year. I'm not sure if it's related but I have also been in a silly mood lately and thought it might be fun to share this spirit of lightness I am feeling with a fun giveaway.

The winner of this giveaway will receive one sterling silver 3/4", double-sided pendant on a 16" oxidized sterling cable chain. One side is hand-stamped with the word naughty, the other with nice. The entire pieced is lightly oxidized and handbrushed. Winner will be receiving the exact necklace shown in the photos above. Necklace will arrive to you lovingly packaged and includes a polishing cloth to preserve finish.

You decide which side you wish to show the world each day, with the option to change your mind and flip your pendant around in any given moment. Because lets face it, sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Can I get a witness? Or a wot wot? (the silly is sinking in deep)

To enter a chance to win this necklace just leave a comment here on this post. To make it fun, tell me if you are feeling naughty or nice right now. It can be one word if you wish, or feel free to tell me the story behind it. I would love to know.

Comments will be open until Friday morning, Dec 10th, at 12:01 am and the winner will be announced by Friday evening.

*****

On a sidenote: Word of the Year necklaces are available now in my shop.

illuminated moments

vintage ornament on our christmas tree

the past four days have been rich with subtle bigness. moments that might seem insignificant or ordinary to a stranger have for me been embraced in their shininess - i might go so far as to say life altering in some ways.

jimmy works long hours at work during the week, oftentimes being away for close to twelve hours each day. as much as i appreciate and feel blessed that i am able to be home with my girls, because of his work, it can be hard at times to be their sole caretaker for that many hours each day. there are times where i have to keep it in check as i can harbor feelings of resentment as to the little things that sometimes aren't so little when it comes to issues like work schedules, mine and his - working from home vs. working in an office. all things that deserve their own post. and as much as i love him, and us, there are those times when i need to remind myself that we are both doing the best we can, and challenging as it may be at times that this period in particular of our children's lives will pass all too quickly.

over the holiday the four of us shared four bliss-filled days together savoring sacred and delicious moments of much-needed family time. there was peppermint bark and mugs of hot chocolate. cinnamon streusel scented candles and fuzzy socks. pumpkin pancakes and storytime. a trip to chinatown and a lazy black friday morning. time spent with a new friend and many bottles of wine drank with those who are like family. there were celebrations with friends visitng from across the pond and those who traveled from the bay area. there was raw cranberry chutney and witnessing isabella demolish and devour her first piece of pumpkin pie. apple wine sorbet and ginger bread pudding. there were flower fairies and fascinators. twirling and singing, and loving energy put back into our neglected living space. technology was turned off and movies were turned on. secrets were spilled, discussions were had and the world spinned madly on. a batch of truly awful brownies were made, and promptly tosssed. we even put up our christmas tree last night which isabella was so excited to help decorate. i don't think i've ever had a christmas tree up before december but isabella is really starting to understand the hoopla surrounding holidays and the sparkle in her excitment is contagious and joyful to witness.

as i watched her take each ornament and place each one along the bottom branches only, excitedly running back to me after each one asking Mommy can I do another one?! i recognized a long-held dream of mine coming true. i also recognized how far i have come and how many thresholds i have crossed over since the stirrings of that dream first came into view.

having gone through a few emotional holiday seasons in the past, i now find that the magic of this season is being illuminated for me once again. i am feeling more than healed.

jimmy is back at work today but for four beautiful days i let the sweetness of this time fully wash over me like warm saltwater allowing all my worries, fears and questions to retreat and fade with the tide.

regale*

{click on photo to enlarge}

Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast ~ William Shakespeare

redefining

photo by jimmy ~ processing by denise ~ pendant and t-shirt by andrea

Moth-er (n)  1.  A female person who conceives, gives birth to, adopts, or raises a child.  2.  A female ancestor.  3.  Something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else.  4.  A woman who creates, originates, or founds something.
5.  YOU.

Whether you are raising children ~ have raised children ~ are expecting and are about to raise children ~ are traveling on the tender pathway of the sometimes insightful, oftentimes painful journey of longing for your babies to just get here already ~ as well as for us amazing women who conceive and give birth to new and creative ideas, love them ~ believe in them ~ nurture and manifest them to fruition, this day is for you. for us.

Wherever you are on your journey, we are all mother's in this sense.
Connected. Creative. Fertile. Strong. Celebrated.

Happy Mother's Day to us all.

and a road that goes forever...

photo taken by Dawn

We are fixin' to head out pretty soon to Austin and will be gone until the new year.

My holiday wish, as we wrap up 2007, is that you may know joy & peace in the coming year and may all your sweet dreams come true.

~~~~~~~~~~

When  I first met Jimmy, he played me a song called, "Texas". I can't speak about all of Texas, but I fell in love with Austin when I first visited 10 years ago. It was completely different than what I was expecting ~ which, at the time, was pretty much republican cowboys rocking large belt buckles.

I couldn't  have been more wrong. Austin is more like Texas' version of Berkeley, CA and I am excited to  spend a  few days there, breathing some fresh air and connecting once again to the people and  places in Jimmy's beloved hometown.

I found the video for the song and wanted to share it with you. It's pretty cheesy, but when he sings about the "warm winds blowing" in Texas, it brings back many amazing Austin memories for me.

Happy Holiday's all ya'll!

 

keeping it in check

Dear Christmas ~

You can suck it.

Love,
Stacie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before people start calling me to see if I am okay, I am. My anger is not even aimed at Christmas, it's just the timing. I just need to rant in a sarcastic fashion for just a bit if you would all indulge me. You see, my life feels in complete chaos at the moment. The entire contents of my studio, including our hundreds of books, furniture, etc. all reside currently in our living room as we have our ceiling replaced. I feel like one of those people you see on talk shows where they have so much stuff in their home that they have carved a path from the door to wherever they need to go. It's claustrophobic. There is no room to breathe. I want to scream.

Now, the rains have come again and damaged the work they had just completed in the studio, and now we have a brand new leak in our bedroom that has ruined the beautiful fabric sails jimmy installed years ago when he first moved in that make me happy every day that I see them. I think I said last night no less than 40 times, "We can't live like this."

And then there is the icing on the cake that is Christmas.

I am not a fan of consumer holidays and Christmas is the granddaddy of them all. Most people already know my thoughts on traditional Christmas trees and although I adore the lights and smells and certain aspects of the holidays (like sharing time with family and giving gifts and sweetly spiced scents), I don't like the forced perceived happiness we are all supposed to feel, as if fighting crowds in a mall or paying outrageous shipping charges online is somehow adding to our well being.

I watched two women get in a physical fight in a Target parking lot the other day and when I went inside the store, music was blaring about tis the season to be jolly. I had to laugh.

I have been looking forward to this time of my life for a while. Not Christmas, but this week marks the last week of work for me due to the arrival of our baby and the physical aspects of part of my job. Starting January 1, I will strictly be working from home, in my pj's if I please, where I can schedule my work day any way I see fit and I will have from January until the baby arrives to essentially "get my act together" in so far as my creative work goes, and my plans are huge and detailed. Swirly posted an inspirational mantra regarding this very thing and it keeps me motivated to do one thing each day to get me closer to my goal. I was actually starting to feel somewhat organized about it all since I have been given this precious gift of time.

I haven't written about it yet, but Clover & Sage has taken a new direction, away from catering for now, which Jimmy and I couldn't be more excited about. Plans for an etsy store (unrelated to Clover & Sage) are underway and I have been exploring putting paint to canvas again, a very scary prospect for me, but ultimately it will all be a gift for our daughter.

This precious time is also to be used to organize and prepare for our little one and right now I am not seeing how any of it is going to happen living this way. This gift of time seems to have different ideas. I feel as if I can't organize anything, I have exactly no space to create currently, or bring baby stuff in and it seems in this never ending construction there is no realistic way I am bringing a newborn baby home in this environment. I know I still have 3 months before she arrives, but honestly there is no end in sight to this construction.

Once again, my visions of this Christmas were to have made a homemade tree out of bare branches and dried fruit as ornaments, to have my packages not only all purchased prior to Christmas, but actually SENT OUT ON TIME FOR ONCE, to display our fun Christmas cards we are receiving and still have time to work on my own creative projects.

Once again, that is not going to happen.

My Christmas cards to send have been sitting here untouched for a week while we try and oversee this chaos. I think my friends think I have fallen off the face of the earth because I haven't been emailing, calling or reading anyone's blogs.

I would love nothing more than to be writing a post about cinnamon scented evenings and chestnuts roasting over an open fire, but our place is currently scented with mildew from the damage and the only thing being roasted over an open fire is our landlord receiving angry calls from me at 4:30 am because the construction crew decided to come early that day.

So, instead of writing about marinating in the joys of the holiday season, I had to write honestly about where my head is currently at ~ it's not very merry around here. I am having a bit of a rough go of finding the beauty in the rain at this moment.

I suppose it's a good thing we don't decorate for the holidays normally, because where would we even put a tree? Next to my work table top that is currently leaning up against the television cabinet? Or perhaps perched atop the sixteen boxes of books crammed against on of the windows in our living room? Maybe it can go on top of the studio file cabinet which currently resides in our bedroom? The possibilities are endless.

Please, I don't need people right now telling me, this too shall pass, and it's all going to work out, and to be happy with what I have. I know it will, and I know the bigger picture is taking care of myself and this little one inside first, and I need to not beat myself up and be gentle on myself. I know I need to remain flexible, perhaps I am too hung up on things being perfect right now and this is my wake up call. I know that my beacon of shining light is feeling this baby grow each day, my amazing husband and our snuggly feline fur baby, but in the midst of all this other stuff happening, I start to question if I will be a good mom if I can't even give our little one a safe environment in which to grow. I give myself permission to be upset in this moment.

We leave for Austin in a few days until the new year. We are more than ready to get out of here for a while and have a change of scenery (our house in Austin is looking really good right now); however, it is also a time now filled with stress as we are leaving our place in turmoil with no idea what we will return to, knowing our cat will be under the bed the entire time, scared and alone, and us worrying about her, and Jimmy and I trying to pretend it's all merry, and cheery and bright when all we really want to do is grab our cat and hide under the covers for a bit.

My apologies to those of you who are having yourself a merry little Christmas, I didn't mean to bring you down with this post. I am sorry it's not full of inspiration, tenderness and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And though someone told me the other day I am handling it all with grace, the reality is I am not. I am on the verge, I find I am raising my voice to people, (something I rarely do, and "people" being our landlord) and I had to write about it and just get it out. I know I can't be the only one feeling this way.

So tell me, how does one handle chaos with grace?

thank*FULL

pomegranates ~ canon digital rebel xt

A few people asked what Jimmy and I made for Thanksgiving dinner since we are two people who love to cook. To answer that question is to know that Jimmy and I don't really follow holiday traditions. We are not really fond of traditional turkey dinners, we don't decorate for any holidays and when I first started this blog I wrote this post about why Christmas trees make me sad.

Having said that, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's a holiday surrounded by giving thanks and focused on food, friends and family. My favorite things.

Growing up, I remember my mom would always make her homemade cranberries  and applesauce with cinnamon, I had to have these two dishes every year, they were just so yummy. We had a pool table (made with purple felt, her favorite color) that transformed into a gorgeous table with a piece of plywood and fabric draped over it for my friends that my mom always let me invite for Thanksgiving dinner.

The years that Jimmy and I have shared Thanksgiving have ranged from the six course gourmet meal to the hot dog stand. I remember one year we attended a fancy dinner party where Jimmy made a corn consomme amuse bouche that was a first course which was supposed to serve 20 people but he ended up only having enough for 14. Oops.  We gave up our servings and luckily there was enough champagne flowing that the others weren't too upset.

A couple years back we met up with the majority of my family members in Las Vegas which found us drinking many bottles of wine on the rooftop of the Hilton hotel overlooking the view. Very non-traditional but an absolute blast. What happened that Thanksgiving most definitely stays in Vegas {wink}.

One of our most memorable was when we went to a friends church and cooked a Thanksgiving dinner for 200 homeless people here in Los Angeles. Jimmy didn't want to serve these people gravy out of a can, which was what we had to work with, so he scoured the church kitchen for the ingredients he needed to give them homemade gravy with their dinner. Every scrap was gone when we were done (people came back for seconds and thirds) and we ended up at LA's famous Pink's Hot Dog's that year for our own Thanksgiving feast. I am not a hot dog fan but it was a truly memorable day.

This year we find ourselves nesting. We wanted to be home and take these four days to make room for our baby girl in April,  rent some movies, and simply relax.

Since it was just the two of us we kept it simple:

Herb Roasted Chicken with pomegranate glaze
Celery Root and Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Haricots Vert
Warm Chocolate Cake with molton center, fresh berries & cream

For some of my friends who don't cook, I know they are laughing when I say this is simple, but it really is. We made the entire feast in under three hours with minimal effort. The time consuming part being the time the garlic and chicken are roasting in the oven.

For the chicken I encourage buying organic, I only purchase Rosie organic free range birds. I made an herbed garlic butter using a head of sweet roasted garlic, fresh sage, thyme and rosemary, softened butter and coarse salt all thrown in the food processor. A tip I have learned when roasting a chicken is if you do nothing else, to stuff the cavity with citrus. I chop up two organic lemons and they go straight into the cavity. This helps to keep the meat moist.

I simply massaged the chicken with the herbed butter, making sure there was plenty under the skin. Put the bird in a high heat oven which I lowered after about 20 minutes to cook for about an hour and a half, making sure to baste now and again to keep everything super juicy.

I wish I could tell you the temperature I cook at but I know all ovens are different and Jimmy and I cook in an oven with no temperature gauge. Sadly, we have done this for years. The one thing this has taught us is how to truly cook by intuition. I don't recommend this method, this is just how we work. Since my dream is to one day publish a cookbook, I know I need to work this part out, but I digress.

While the chicken was cooking I took a bottle of pomegranate juice and let it reduce down to a thick syrup to use as a glaze. I brushed it all over the chicken the last ten minutes of cooking which added a sweet, tartness that I will probably do from now on, it really added a nice touch. In fact, it was so good we almost cried as we finished the last bit of it today. I was thinking of using cranberry juice since it was the holidays (which you absolutely could) but I just love pomegranates. I am sure I will experiment more with other juices in the future.

Jimmy made one of his specialties, mashed celery root and roasted garlic potatoes. If you have never cooked with celery root before, please try it. It adds nice flavor to anything you use it with and is really high in fiber, vitamins B6, C and potassium. We like to pair celery root with Yukon gold potatoes but of course use what you have, or want. For this dish, he used four small Yukon's, one celery root, a head of roasted garlic, salt, pepper , butter and olive oil. Remember that celery root takes longer to cook than the potatoes so you either want to chop them smaller or put them in the boiling water first.

Basically boil the potatoes and celery root in salted water with a few peppercorns tossed in until tender, drain. Mash in a bowl with the luscious sweet roasted garlic, butter, olive oil, salt and pepper.  If you are vegan, just leave out the butter, it's really yummy.

For the green beans, I just tossed them with some olive oil and salt and roasted them in the oven alongside the chicken during the last 30 minutes. Easy and delicious.

We decided to completely indulge in dessert and made a molton chocolate cake made with dark chocolate, eggs and butter. I whipped a bit of cream and served with organic raspberries. Indulgent? Considerably. But it's the holidays and we are very thankful. It was super easy and 24 kinds of sinful deliciousness. If you want the recipe, leave a comment or email and I will send it off to you.

We then spent the remainder of the evening with full bellies, cuddled up in blankets on the couch, snuggled up with our kitty and watched movies by candlelight.

Hope your Thanksgiving was equally delicious.