Bella Wish

No intervention required

I had written a relatively lengthy post waxing poetic and almost defending the reasons why I love my iPhone so much. When I read it back I laughed and realized that all I really want to say is that I'm completely addicted to iPhoneography and I make no apologies for it.

Here is a peek into what has been happening around here recently...

channeling my inner Cindy Sherman

 

Enjoying my family

Dreaming of places far away

Confetti eggs at Grandma's house

iPhone tutorials (it's never too early for technology in our house)

enjoying the view from our deck

Spring break in the desert

 

My first dreadlock. The journey begins...

 

Self Portrait Challenge ~ What I Wear

little black dress ~ canon digital rebel xt

Yes, I realize I have been preaching color lately and this is not only a b&w photo but also a black dress. However,  I got to thinking about little black dresses for this month's self portrait challenge and how every girl should have at least one in her closet.

The little black dress is a staple. Timeless. Dependable. Classic. It's the one fallback item a girl can always count on to throw on when nothing else will do, and can be dressed up or down.

We have Coco Chanel to thank for bringing the little black dress to life,
and, of course, Holly Go Lightly put little black dresses on the map,
in fact, famous French singer Edith Piaf based her entire stage look on the little black dress

My own little black dresses have changed pretty drastically over the years.

Four score and twenty (thirty?) pounds ago, my little black dresses were tight, short and strappy.  And one was made out of latex... ahem.

Tight, short and strappy are no longer words in my fashion vocabulary, thank goodness, and these days I am overjoyed to say that what I wear is dictated by what fits over my Buddha belly, the little black dress being no exception.

The particular black dress in this photo is my current favorite. I purchased it at the exclusive boutique known as Target. It bears no resemblance to a cocktail dress, but since there are no cocktails in my foreseeable future the little black dress has taken on new meaning for me. It's amazingly comfortable, fits like a dream, can be worn to work, or anywhere, and was under $30. I highly recommend it.

I also love it because it can be dressed up or down. Today I am wearing it with striped socks and distressed motorcycle boots, but most days my empire waist dresses, of which I am building quite the collection, are worn mostly over jeans for a fun, casual look.

*****

I almost didn't post this particular photo as I took it very early this morning before work. I was still getting ready, the lighting and exposure were just terrible, but I didn't have time to futz too much. We all want those perfect self portraits I know, and this certainly isn't one of those...

However, the more I looked at it I realized I should post it for a couple reasons:

1) This is me in the morning... not quite together, hair everywhere and focusing on everything besides actually working.

2) My face looks so serious. I tend to look very serious, even when I don't mean to. I think this can be off-putting to people at times or viewed at as I am unapproachable. The truth is I don't realize I am doing it. If I am focusing on something or concentrating, I can get this very serious look on my face and sometimes need to be reminded to smile.

3) I really hope my Aunt Doodie is reading this post. If nothing else so she can see that when I look at certain photos of myself I think I look exactly like her. It's almost eerie to me.

4) Oh, and for those who know me who might be noticing that I have become... more... um... endowed let's say, in a certain area of my body, let me just say ~ I KNOW.  My pregnancy boobs rock. {wink}

*****

I heart my (not-so-little-anymore) black dress.

see more spc photos here

 

Dream until your dreams come true

spc ~ in my dreams ~ canon digital rebel xt

This month's spc theme is to photograph yourself in your environment. I just posted about my literal environment so instead I thought I would share another place I live ~ my dreams.

I am a dreamer. My favorite movie growing up was "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" because my favorite movie line ever is "We are the musicmakers and we are the dreamers of dreams." Well, that and I used to have a strange crush on Gene Wilder. Kids. But I digress,

My dreams take me to faraway places and wild far-out occupations like being a host on a food and travel show, to the simple, sweet dreams of fantasizing what it will be like to be a mom. I dream of travel and adventure, food and wine, fun and frolic with my partner in crime, Jimmy. I dream of owning a cabin in the woods, a creative studio, an art gallery and an apartment in Paris. I dream of cooking in a beautiful, open kitchen that I have designed with a dishwasher and a commercial grade oven. I dream of pregnant bellies and happy babies and owning enough land where Jimmy and I can let our future children, our kitty cat and currently non-existent dogs roam free. I dream of owning a vineyard with my husband and cultivating an organic garden. I dream of toasting endless sunsets with my husband on this vineyard. I dream of pressing my own olive oil and hosting large dinner parties on a giant rustic table outdoors lit with dozens of flickering candles. I dream of always being surrounded by creative and inspiring friends who I can learn from and continuously grow with. I dream of what it would be like not having a "job" but rather generating multiple streams of income by creating meaningful work doing the things I love: cooking, writing, designing, creating, traveling, teaching.

I am seeing more and more that when I open my eyes, many of my dreams appear before me, taking on an actual shape where I can reach out and have them here in a physical environment.

Dream on, dreamers.

~~~~~~
** I posted an update to my follow-up appointment with my doctor yesterday. If you are interested, go here.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Body Parts

renegade pinky finger ~ canon digital rebel xt

I was involved in a hit and run accident driving home from college one afternoon when I was 18 years old. I was rear-ended by a guy driving a stolen car with no insurance who pushed my then car, a sky-blue Suzuki Samurai into a gorgeous hunter-green Jaguar convertible.

It was a good thing I was wearing my seat belt because driving that Samurai around was the equivalent of driving an empty diet coke can on wheels. It didn't have a radio so I would putt around town with a boom box proudly, and strategically, positioned on the passenger seat with the volume turned up to static loud in hopes of drowning out the noise of the wind ripping and tearing through the canvas top. But believe me when I tell you at 18 years old in 1987, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world driving that car around. I freaking loved that car. We had many crazy experiences together. Thanks, Mom!

As with any unexpected situation it all seemed to happen in slow motion. I was stopped at a red light and saw a car come barreling toward me through my rearview mirror. Unfortunately, there was no time to do anything and upon impact the back of my left hand slammed against the steering wheel and broke in four places.

The bones eventually all healed but my doctor didn't see the need to reset my pinky finger, stating it would have required unnecessary surgery. The result of which is what you see above. I am not forcing my pinky to do this; that is my hand in it's natural state.

My funny, quirky renegade pinky.

You can see more body parts here.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Body Parts {UPDATE}

   
spc ~ canon digital rebel xt

This month's self portrait challenge of shooting our body parts, including the wobbly bits, is definitely a challenge for me. It has taken me too many years to embrace not just my curves, but my quirks as well: flat duck feet, knee scars, renegade pinky from a broken hand that wasn't set correctly, fading tattoo, poochy belly, booty for days ~ the list goes on.

Although I love that all my quirks each have a story to tell, I feel if I were to start talking about them at length I would dwell too much on the negative, and the fact is I want to have a healthy relationship with my body and all it's parts. Having said that, all these stories are ones I wouldn't mind sharing so I have a couple weeks in which to do that.

My one body part I have been thinking a lot about lately, however, is my uterus which I tried to capture in this week's challenge. The photo is dark but with a bit of light where my hands are over this very fragile area. I see this as a way of sending love and light to the reproductive part of me that has been challenged and to say I want to heal the rocky relationship we have had the past couple of years. I believe I can carry a baby to term and my uterus is healthy.

I am scheduled to have surgery on Tuesday to have the fibroid that has lodged it's way into the cavity of my uterus removed. Two doctors think this particular fibroid was the cause of my second miscarriage. If that is indeed the case, I feel blessed to have an answer and a possible remedy.

When I sat in my doctor's office yesterday, we discussed the procedure ~ what's involved, possible complications and recovery time, all of which seem pretty straightforward. He said it's not a difficult surgery, but you do want to see someone who knows what they are doing so as not to cause additional problems. He is sending me to a specialist in the field. Someone who has performed these types of operations, successfully, for 30+ years. Although I know everything will be fine, I wouldn't mind having some positive energy sent my way this Tuesday if you happen to think of it.

I really owe a huge thank you to my doctor. Jimmy and I stopped trying to get pregnant a) because we needed to heal and b) because our doctor has told me many times he couldn't tell me to get pregnant again until we exhausted all pathways to a possible answer, and he very well may have found it. I saw the caring, emotional side of him again yesterday. The side that told me he didn't want me to go through the hurt he saw me go through back in December again. I didn't see this side of him at first, because I was in a hurtful place, but I now see that he isn't all statistics and this is how he treats all of his patients ~ with caring and compassion.

Since he is sending me to another hospital, he won't be involved in this surgery. He said to come back and see him when I am pregnant ~ which he hoped would be very soon.

~~~~~~~~

So there was some miscommunication between both doctor's offices and myself, dork that I am, as it turns out my appoinment tomorrow is not for my actual surgery, but rather just the consultation. Thanks so much for all your thoughts and well wishes. I will definitely be saving them for my actual surgery.

 

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Online Tools ~ Gems

a few of my treasures ~ canon digital elph 200s {click photo for a larger view}

I don't know if this really counts as proper use of online tools but I wanted to celebrate this weeks self portrait challenge by honoring some of my favorite indie business owners. Nothing inspires me more than when someone follows their dreams of becoming their own creative boss as it's something I aspire to.

Each of the necklaces above represent four amazing women and their pioneering spirits as they nurture their space in the growing number of internet indie businesses.

There are so many indie business owners to celebrate out in the bloggie world, but this week I share with you my necklaces that I have only begun to collect. I feel many more will come into my life. I feel a connection to not only the necklaces but also the talented women behind these businesses which makes them all the more special. These are not mass-produced necklaces you can purchase at chain retailers but rather artisan creations lovingly handmade. One of these beauties even kissed the pendant several times before shipping it off to be with me in it's new home. Where else can you get customer service like that?

I liken it to wine. My favorite wines are usually from boutique wineries where each wine tells a story and you can tell each bottle was made with love by the winemaker and not with machines. Botuique wineries usually produce less, sometimes much less, than 500 cases per year as compared to mass produced wines you can find at your grocery store whose wineries produce upwards of 2000 cases per year. But oh my, can you taste the difference in quality. When people tell me they don't like wine, I know in my heart it's because they just haven't been introduced to it properly.

There is an art to winemaking and just like any good recipe it must begin with love. Once you taste a wine like this, you will never settle for two-buck chuck again. There simply is no comparison. By the way, the woman who owns one of my favorite wineries is a woman. As you can tell I am huge fan of artisan craftsmanship, female business owners as well as the fine art of story-telling. But wow, do I digress...

Each morning as I place one of these lovelies around my neck I think of these women, and the story behind each piece, and it's like receiving a warm embrace. Always a good way to start each new day.

From left to right:

Jax is the creation of one of my dearest friends Kelly Mullane. She is in the process of getting her website up and running and these sterling silver jacks pendants, inspired by her grandmother, will soon be available. She gave this piece to me as a birthday gift and whenever I wear this necklace people ask me about it.

Thea creates so many beautiful pendants that can be purchased through her Etsy store, Monarch. I went back to her site four times to stare at her beautiful elephant illustration that I finally realized that I just had to have it for my very own.

If you don't already have your own superhero necklace, what are you waiting for? I am convinced mine gives me superhero powers.

I need to open my own business soon just so I can purchase each piece in Denise's Zen Collection as part of her Bohemian Girl Designs boutique. I've been wearing my beautiful Gaia necklace pretty regularly and always have people stopping to ask me about it.

~~~~~~~

My friend Dawn,  who I like to drink wine with, wrote me this morning to tell me her friend, Ellen has just started a new venture for women offering transformational weekend retreats. As I read through the site I can't help but think that I really want to participate in one of these weekends. I will be in Texas soon too. Hmmm....

Like the pieces I wear in the photo above, and at the risk of sounding corny, each of these creative business owners themselves are true gems and I lovingly support them all.

 

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Fragmented

“There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic"

~ Anais Nin

This month's spc is dedicated to digital manipulation through online tools. The site lists some fun tools to try including the one I used this week which David Hockneyizes your photos.

I found myself at first resistant to this month's challenge; I didn't know how I could make it creative, I was/am fearful I wouldn't be creative enough, and questioned how I could make it relative. Interestingly enough, the above photo is my favorite self-portrait thus far and also very apropos to how I feel so much of the time: fragmented and functioning through all the separate parts which make up my identity.

I often see myself as pieces of a puzzle so something about these fractured photos is very appealing to me. They each say something different but together make up the entire image.

Don't we all struggle with the fragments of who we are? Don't our fragments often seem like puzzle pieces we try to make sense of and fit together into one image? Do these fragments or puzzle pieces include such things as being: dark, light, spiritual, fearful, wild, shy, professional, independent, calm, bohemian, wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, sons, daughters, friends, lovers, siblings, leaders, nomads, artists, caretakers, seekers, healers, musicians, poets, gypsies, thinkers, teachers, dancers, providers, compassionate, sad, negative, silly, giving, feminine, masculine, gay, straight, seductive, impaired, hunters, gatherers, collectors, storytellers, balanced, conflicted, positive, flirtatious, warriors, passionate, distracted, humorous, brave, wanting, joyous, angry, unbalanced, vibrant, playful, loved, envious, confused, focused, negative, strong, ambitious, blocked, enlightened, unemployed, illuminated, dyslexic, entrepreneurial, helpful, depressed, creatives, impatient, addicitive, sexual , alone, and hopeful?

Our endless fragments comprise the most interesting pictures representative of who we all are in life and there is so much beauty in that, don't you agree? If you want to have fun hockneyizing some of your own photos, go here.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Black & White

Wild Child ~ Self Portrait Challenge 

Acceptance.

My Dad's side of the family has big hair. Thick, wavy, crazy big hair. In fact, my father rocked a giant afro most of my childhood. It's one of the many Manning traits I inherited. Along with the Manning eyebrows, the Manning cheeks, the Manning knees and, of course, the Manning crazy amazing hair.

It has taken me too many years to embrace my Manning hair. It's wavy, frizzy, has a mind of it's own, often acts like a weathervane (if there is but a hint of moisture in the air, my hair will expand to twice it's size) and just like the song, the bees often do try and make their home in my hair. People with often tell me they wish they had my crazy hair. I had a hard time understanding this because secretly,  I used to wish for their perfectly straight, fine, gorgeous low maintenance hair.

Because I once believed the grass was greener, for years I was a slave to my blowdryer and straightening iron trying to accomplish the insane -- making my untameable lion's mane of hair fine and straight. When I think of the hours I have spent with a blowdryer in my hand trying to force my hair into being something it wasn't, and actually being mad at my hair in the process, it makes me a bit sad.

When I first met Jimmy he asked why I didn't just let my hair go wild. I remember at the time thinking he was nuts for saying that -- how on earth could I ever let my hair just do what it wanted naturally? I would see all my gorgeous girlfriends and pictures in magazines and want what they had - pin straight, fine hair. I would constantly struggle to make my hair something that it simply wasn't rather than accepting, and embracing, what it was.

Jimmy loves when my hair is wild and wavy because he knows that's what it wants to do naturally, what it's supposed to do. It took me longer to understand this concept. My hair doesn't wish to be tamed, it wants to explore -- be curly and whirly and crazy and big. I appreciate it now; it's part of what makes me, me. I now mostly wear it curly because that is what my hair was meant to do.

Acceptance of my Manning hair is simply a metaphor for life. I now can see that when we struggle against the gifts we were born with we struggle with allowing them help manifest our dreams. The thing is I always dreamt of being able to wear my hair curly, I just didn't think I could because it would be too big and wild, messy and all over the place; like me. I have always dreamt of bigger things for my life, but have struggled at times with choosing paths that I thought I was supposed to take rather than style my life in the way that was more natural for me. I am no longer trying to force my hair to be what it wasn't meant to be and I am no longer ignoring the natural paths for me to walk, thinking I have to do it perfectly, or not at all.

My wish now is to keep the grass growing green and lush on my side, tending to my garden and letting it grow -- as it was meant to. I am open to finding the pathway I am supposed to walk naturally and will accept where that path will lead me. I am thankful for the gifts that I have been given. I embrace me, big hair and all.

Self Portrait Challenge -- Overworked

A girl and her Mac, Powershot S200 Digital Elph

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with work. Between writing, researching, getting set to launch Deep Dishing, reading, The Artist's Way, blog addiction, email bonding, not to mention my day job and all the daily household work we all have, I have put a lot on my plate. Is there some sort of diet for that?

I thought this self-portrait challenge could show the intimate relationship I have with my Powerbook. It's the thing in my life that seems to get most of my attention as of late.

I was talking with a high school science teacher yesterday about this. As I walked into his classroom he was searching through the IMDB database. He is teaching Darwinism to his students and wants to bring in the movie 'Master and Commander'  to help illustrate the idea of landscape, as most of his students don't know a landscape if there is not a Starbucks on the corner of it.

I commented on what a fun and visual way to teach an academic subject and how I wish my high school teachers had done similar -- we had to listen to lectures, write papers and take tests. He told me term papers are obsolete today with the internet -- a student can google anything and write a term paper in less than 30 minutes so there are no more class papers, at least not in his class.

We joked about the big building we used to have to conduct research in called libraries. I suppose that is the equivalent of our parents, and grandparents, having to walk to school in the snow uphill... both ways.

I hope books, and libraries, never become a lost art due to our connection with the internet; books are lovely and tactile and I love to surround myself with them. But like those students, many of us use the internet for everything which makes me wonder: How did we ever survive without the internet, people?

Discuss...

 

 

Self Portrait Challenge -- Black and White

 
Young Schmoopy

I've decided to step outside my comfort zone a bit and explore this thing called Self-Portrait Challenges. I used to think that if I were to post pictures of myself all over my site that others might view it as narcissistic. Plus I tend to be more comfortable behind the lens. But you know, as we gain years, we gain more confidence... we also gain weight. Or is it as we get older it's more that we could give a tiny rat's ass what people think? Either way, I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever have, even 20 pounds later. And really, that's the beauty of it, right? Acceptance of self.

I now realize that it's not about me posting candid photos of myself at random events but rather capturing a mood, an emotion, so it becomes more about self discovery and a study of artistic analysis and expression, not to mention a way to chronicle one's history. Plus, this is my personal blog, I can post whatever I damn well please! I read many personal blogs and realize that I love it when the author's post their pictures. It helps me to "hear their voice" more.

I feel this is one way to recapture my artist within and a way for me to really explore who I am and part of that is looking at myself. Really looking at myself, (hopefully) without judgment or fear. This is who I am, flaws and all. I want to be able to look back on photos years from now and remember who I was at this time.

Cindy Sherman has always been one of my favorite artists. She has built her career out of transforming herself through her self portraits. I can stare at her untitled film stills collection for hours -- and have.

My first challenge seems quite appropriate as black and white photography is so versatile in expressing emotion. I feel I am doing nothing but exploring my emotions as of late. I chose this black and white picture of myself as a child, though I obviously didn't take it, for a few reasons:

Although not a great use of the drama and contrast normally conveyed using black and white photography, I am working to rediscover my artist child. This is what she looks like.

This is me still very much in the beginning of my life. We all start out life as innocents, seeing things purely and always excited by what is new to us.

It's good to start a project from the beginning while it is still new, innocent and pure and see what it will develop into.