I often wonder if my blog is having abandonment issues. All of my words and non-parenting energy are being poured into my course and other projects currently being created. I am at a place where I finally feel I have something of value to contribute and I am filled with joy and excitement about sharing them. I no longer wish to hide behind my fear and ego about what I can contribute creatively.
I am finding that with each step I take towards actualizing my dreams, I am returning to that which I have always known but was afraid of for so long. I am discovering, or rediscovering, that which I love with a wide open heart and a heaping spoonful of humility.
I've recently become a student of online business and marketing. This is because I aim to create a sustainable business for myself and my family that allows me to share my creative gifts with as many people as I can reach. The one thing I notice is the tremendous use of the word hustle. You gotta hustle... hustle for clients, hustle for business, hustle for leads.
All this talk of hustling is enough to make me want to slip off my dancing shoes, lie down and take a nap. When I see the word hustle, I can't help but recall Andrea having a tagline on her blog that says she hustles for the happy and when I first read those words I nodded in knowing, ready to slip my dancing shoes back on and get on the dance floor.
I recall being on a job interview years ago where the recruiter said to me: your days will fly by here. I remember a wash of fear all over my body at those chilling words. Is she serious? I don't want my days to fly by sitting in this gray building with no windows, isolated from the world. Was that supposed to be a selling point? I know a stable job and income is a blessing, but for artists it's not a way of life. Working for the weekend is not a mantra I subscribe to. It felt like a jail sentence to me, and yet I have sentenced myself to that jail many times by my own choosing.
But choosing that jail sentence also allows for our intutition to rise up and be heard. Of course I'm not here to simply get through life, that is not why any of us are here. And a life guided by fear is not what I want to model for my girls. I am here to live it to the full and thrive. I want to be in my days fully. To live them, touch them, taste them, and dance with them.
That job interview feels like a lifetime ago, and the road from twenty years ago until now has been paved with a million choices that have brought me to the now where I also recall the feelings I had during two recent photoshoots I was hired for. When I am with a camera the same words come to me each time... if this is what work can look like, then let this be my work.
It all comes back to finding what makes you happy, what truly lights you up, that which you are compelled and pulled to do, and doing that. It still feels scary, but it's where I choose to dance.
This is where my iPhone camera and I have been hustling recently:
You can see more happy hustlings on my Instagram feed.