This will most likely be my final post about releasing 2012 as it's time to get on with the new year already, yes?
I have consciously taken the whole of this month as a releasing ceremony of sorts. I felt no pressure to have anything completed by December 31st. Children and age redefine the importance of time for us and are slow medicine for our often intolerable impatient ways of being.
I was planning on putting together a review of 2012 in photos, (well, the year of the Instagram photos anyway) but I was quickly reminded how that would involve so much more than running through my photos and gathering my favorites.
The thing with data loss (my laptop was stolen in December) is that when you go to retrieve something and realize you no longer have it, the mourning resurfaces. Which isn't to say I lost everything, I still have the majority of my photos, but what I did lose was the programs which housed and organized them all - in my case Aperture and iPhoto - which makes searching for a photo an hours long affair making it suddenly unimportant. **
And while all of that will be sorted at some point without worry, working temporarily on a borrowed laptop without my own account has brought me back to the bare essentials. I no longer have certain resources to pull from which feels a bit raw and shaky at times.
I was lamenting this to a dear medicine woman over the holidays sharing with her that much of my written content for my upcoming course was also now gone and putting me in a position to rebuild. I am paraphrasing her sage advice but her message was simply that whatever was on my laptop wasn't what I was teaching and it was in the sharing of my own path is where my true offering lies.
As I write this at 6:00 am, my words feel scattered and explorative without a destination so what I am writing may not make much sense, but I think truly what this is about for me is coming into this new year releasing a large part of the old ways of my being - a stripping down of comfortable layers and getting naked, pulling out the dreams that were once written down on tiny scraps of paper and shoved way down inside my pockets where they were carried but never seen and placing them on the table and into the light, free from the tight grip of my clenched fist.
On the surface it might not be apparant, but 2012 was a gamechanger for me. It many ways it felt like an initiation into whatever is to come. A detoxing where I was asked to get vulnerable and leave behind a lot of what was weighing me down. It feels very clear that what 2013 is asking of me is to release the last bits of what isn't being invited into this next incarnation.
I see no coincidence that my course offering is called Getting Naked, it simply makes sense for where I am right now.
I am having a little closing ceremony around 2012, one where I release it with love + gratitude and step into 2013 with a new voice.
Two nights ago I dreamt I was driving on the freeway, preparing to exit at my usual and familar offramp when I saw a large grey wolf lying down across the entire exit - blanketed in her paws was her cub. I slowed way down as they both made deep eye contact with me and then I passed the exit to find another way home.
The message in this dream feels really clear and obvious to me and the strong visual is something I am carrying. A sister in one of my circles asked me after sharing this dream, "Now, what are you going to do about that exit?"
This is my guiding question of 2013.
** having said that, you can see a good part of my year in photos by following me over on Instagram