Dear Makers of Godiva Chocolate,

What kind of drugs are you smoking in your chocolate factory? I am just curious because of something that happened to me on a recent visit to your store. Let me explain.

My husband and I are leaving for New York Thursday morning. A very chilly New York, but that is not the point. The point is that we were shopping for some gloves and a scarf at our local mall and were in very high spirits as we had just eaten a yummy lunch. A strongly spiced lunch where a bit of something sweet to follow was weighing heavy on our minds.

As we were walking by one of your fine retail establishments on our way to the glove and scarf store, a truffle caught the eye of my unsuspecting husband. He decided a bit of chocolate was exactly what we needed to continue our shopping venture this fine afternoon.

Sure he was seduced by your truffles, but what caught my eye was your display of chocolate covered strawberries in the window.

See, Godiva, here is the thing. I adore chocolate covered strawberries. And as my hips can attest to, I have enjoyed quite a few in my day. As my husband was choosing his truffle, he encouraged me to get a strawberry, after all, we were having a lovely day.

I indeed asked the cute little girl behind the counter for a chocolate covered strawberry and she replied with, "Large or extra large?"

Really? I thought. Was there a difference in size? I couldn't tell.

"Extra large, what the hell."

As I was just sinking my teeth into the firm and fine dark chocolatey goodness which was about to mix with the red, ripe, juicy fruitiness of the strawberry like a sweet, sweet song of love in my mouth, I noticed the price menu.

This strawberry.....

...costs $8.00. EIGHT.FUCKING. DOLLARS. FOR A SINGLE STRAWBERRY. DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE.

Sorry for the all caps display of emotion, and colorful language but, makers of Godiva, I am still just so upset.

People at Godiva, do you really think one strawberry dipped in your chocolate is worth $8.00? Do you?  Because I am here to tell you, it's not. Sure, if David Duchovney suddenly appeared with a glass of champagne to go with said strawberry, or if there were perhaps a golden ticket involved, I could understand. But as you well know that didn't happen, Godiva. I ate that entire strawberry as if it were somehow sent from the magical chocolate heavens above and it did NOT taste like an $8.00 strawberry. In fact, my taste buds and I agree it was more of a $2.50 strawberry. I want $5.50 back.

Godiva, off the record, what is going on, really? Is this a marketing ploy on your part? Are your shareholders expecting unrealistic sales goals again? Do you really need hard-working, tax-paying customers so bad, that you lure them in and then promptly tell them to bend over? Because I feel violated Godiva, I have to tell you.

I haven't been able to post on my blog for days because of the damages and mental anguish incurred. I feel so many things. I feel anger that you conduct business like this. I feel embarrassed for falling into your trap. I feel stupefied that there is a $2.00 difference between a large and an extra large strawberry. Godiva peeps, what the hell is that about? I mean really, TWO EXTRA DOLLARS? For what? I would really like to have a word with your Vice President of price points. Perhaps he or she could educate me.

But mostly I feel like a gigantic ass for paying you $8.00 for your stupid strawberry. What I should have done was spit out the bite I had taken as my eye caught the absurdity of your price list, and thrown your damn strawberry across the store screaming obscenities about how I wouldn't eat your chocolate if it were the last chocolate on earth. Then security would have come to collect me and I would inform them of this travesty, and people would gather and I would be on the 6:00 news and then tell the WORLD about how evil you are and people for miles would boycott your stores wondering how you can justify selling an $8.00 strawberry. It would have rocked hard.

But that isn't what happened is it, Godiva? No. What happened was I became so shocked at what my eyes just witnessed that all the oxygen left my brain momentarily and while my brain screamed, "NOOOOOooooo!!!!" my mouth couldn't actually form the word and I literally couldn't speak as my husband handed you a ten dollar bill. $2.00 for his truffle, and EIGHT FOR MY STRAWBERRY. It all happened as if in slow motion and while I watched the money transfer hands, all I could think about were other things that $8.00 could buy. Eight lottery tickets, a bottle of 2004 Valcantara, the lunch I ate earlier, oh yeah, and three ginormous baskets of strawberries at Trader Joe's, not to mention the chocolate to dip them into.

When I asked the cute and perky girls working at the counter if I could photograph your merchandise they were curious, "Why do you want to do that?" they asked.

"I need to show the folk's back home what an idiot I am and what an $8.00 strawberry looks like."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "Let me turn it around so you can get a better view."

Don't feel that this is the last that you will hear of this, Godiva. You have competition and soon your $8.00 strawberries will be a thing of the past. If Karen's Uncle Tracy opens Penellie Chocolate's, I know he will treat his customers like royalty and not charge $8.00 for a damn strawberry.

You have been warned.

Comments

[Linda Cavanaugh]

Whoa there girl! Sounds like Godiva got your Irish up. Yes, you have some of the naughtly Irish blood in you!

Well look at the name, GO DIVA!!!

Anyway, there is a great Sunday Brunch here in town for $19 that includes fruit kabobs, you dip in a chocolate fondue yourself to satisfy your chocolate urges.

Perhaps not GODIVA but you won't feel F__CK_D afterward! HAHAHAHAHA

MOM

[j.b]

Whoa there DRAMA QUEEN! I can't believe you dedicated a whole blog page to this. Lame. And it doesn't look like she turned it around for you... by the way the floor tile/wood looks, the starwberries are facing a glass window. Did you take the pic thru a glass window? No, you took it off to the side, because she didn't turn it around for you. Or at least take better photos to prove your point. How do I know you were even there, Drama mama?

[Schmoopy]

oh, sweet j.b. Thank you for taking the time to call me a liar on my blog. That was really sweet, much like an $8.00 strawberry. This post was meant to be sarcastic. I am, in fact, not a drama queen. This was meant to make people laugh, not to make them accusatory.

And just so you know she did turn the tray around for me, it was not taken through a glass window. Unfortunately my camera is not that good and would show the reflection had it been taken through glass. The wood floors you see are actually outside the store.

It seems to me you could use a hug.

[Jessica]

I love it! You are so right.

[melissa]

Haha..you just said what everyone wants to say....I hate looking in this store. I can't believe their prices. I always return later thinking they have woken up an lowered prices...they haven't and I still haven't purchased anything from them!