hidden gifts

i've been feeling a bit francine crankypants these past couple weeks. i am so happy being mommy to my sweet bella babe but am missing certain aspects of life pre~baby. i don't bring my camera places like i used to, i am positively itching to launch my etsy store but can't find the time to create my products, i haven't played in the kitchen in months, i no longer write with any consistency and reading anything from books to blogs has become a challenge of late as well.

i have all these creative ideas swimming around in my head that i try to scribble on paper during the day with one hand while i cradle the baby in the other. all in all, i feel creatively challenged. which can make us all a bit of a francine crankypants.

inspiration arrived when i brought in some fresh cut roses the other day and put them in a vase on our table. after a few days they were ready to move on to their next stage (the compost pile) but jimmy saw something else. he took the dried~out, browning petals and made the arrangement above in a rough circle around the few blossoming buds that were left.

i saw such beauty in this simple act and immediately grabbed my camera. in that moment, i started to feel excitement, knowing my creative groove was still intact:
~ i can become friends with my camera again
~ my design ideas will come to fruition
~ my etsy store will open
~ my creative business will blossom and
~ my studio is here waiting for me when i am ready and able.

a wise kiwi reminded me yesterday that my time for creativity would materialize again, and that my daughter will need me to take care of myself in this way as she grows. knowing this truth has made me much more relaxed and able to accept and fully enjoy each moment i have with my angel knowing that this time with her is temporary as she grows.

it's okay that parenthood is all~consuming for me now in these early months because before i know it, she and i will be creating things together very soon, and then she will be creating things on her very own. because of this i am no longer feeling cranky and have been smiling all day at the thought of all this beautiful time she and i are able to spend together now ~  just being. what a gift. 

how do you other mommies (and daddies) out there balance your creative lives with your mommyhood?

EDITED TO ADD: hmmm, i think i may have miscommunicated what i was trying to say above. i don't feel as if i am no longer creative. in fact, i feel more creative since bella has arrived, ideas spill out of me on a daily basis and i try to write them all down.

it's just the one thing i don't have in this moment is time to make them happen, which is what i am missing, and that is okay. i am not sad, i was just feeling cranky for a while, but that has passed because i realize it's okay to not have the time in this moment, the moment will come when i have time to make it all happen. she is most important now. i know when the time is right she will need me to make time for myself to be a creative example for her.

thank you all for your sweet comments.

 

Comments

[sueberry]

Lovely photo & I am glad your creative groovi-ness is still intact! (Not that I ever suspected otherwise).

For the record, you SOOO did not seem like a crankypants to me when I visited you. :)

Enjoy all the moments now, with the babe in your arms because pretty soon, she will be running around on her own 2 chunky-monkey legs & we will all be wondering how the heck she grew up so darn fast??? Love you lots!
XOXO

[nikole]

I have been struggling with this very same thing. Like you, I am trying to simply enjoy these moments with my tiny girl, knowing that we will soon be exploring our creative energies together. I have found that my way of expressing my creativity has changed now, and that I'm finding ways to let it out that can more easily be done with a baby - blogging while wearing her in my moby, taking photographs of things close to home (in our own garden), experimenting with photo editing (again, while the babe is in the moby), taking care of our flowers. Just this week, I decided that I would not participate in this big art festival that I worked really hard to get into last year (getting in last year reserved me a spot for 3 years). I had planned to make that show (in Sept) my re-entrance into my work, but my heart just isn't in it yet. And I'm trying to be okay with that. Besides, I don't know when I'd have the time to be able to make enough pieces for a show!

Thank you for sharing this.

Sending you lots of love and light.

[Juneau Eco Mommie]

when my little man was born I felt I needed to devote every second to him too. I didn't even waste time to do much laundry or dishes. And then everythings just falls into place. your babe gets into a groove and you realize the life beyond baby. Stay true to who you are and make time for your needs and burning creative ideas. Your energy will come back and so will your va-va-voom. Hang in there, every mommie goes through this.
-namaste, erin
**p.s. I have too much rhubarb in my garden, do you have any killer recipes?

[Brandon]

It probably feels like forever since you got your creative groove on, but it won't be long before ’Bella gives you some time to tend to your inner life. Bearing in mind that I did not have a child latched on my nipple and this is therefore only a non-mommy perspective, I can assure you that it does get better.

On the photography thing, don't worry about a thing. You'll soon be taking so many pictures that you'll have to stop and remind yourself that you're supposed to be in the moments you're documenting. As our family's in-house photographer, I've found that we have tons of photos, and few with me in them. The subject matter may be a bit different than before, but I know you won't have a problem with that.

The key to maintaining your creative life is having an understanding partner. And, I know you have that covered. That, and accepting that you need to be productive after her bedtime. Jenn has been supportive, and I have a couple of nights week when I slip out for my band and my wrenching.

[reddawn]

Awww... made me sad to hear you are a little down, but I have *no doubt* that this too shall pass. You have creativity oozing out of you, sista! I mean, it has only been 2.5 months!

AND, a mini-vacation coming up! Perhaps that might breed some inspiration as well!

Cannot wait to see you guys!

Love ya! xoxo

[mccabe]

okay,
that picture just reached out and hugged me.
there is no way you have lost any creative mojo mama.
;)

i don't feel like i can contribute much
as i do not have a wee one-
but you know how much i love you
and your beautiful dreams.

i believe in you...

mccabe x

[windylindy]

hey you...

U put on your fairy princess dress and dance in your ballet shoes...

You roc and always have...

Life ebbs and flows... like the tide... Your time will flow and I will watch with so much inspiration as well.

[jenica]

i am still discovering how to do this (in fact i just wrote a whole post on the subject last night!) but i do know that it's in clinging to moments like this that your mojo reappears. plus, as she grows, you have a fresh eyes view of life, you'll find creative ops everyday that you look... but sometimes it takes all the gumption in the world just to get in the shower for the day.

(((hugs)))

[d.]

GORGEOUS photo! I just love that Jimmy!

Personally, if those are the only reasons you're a "Francine Crankpants" then I would say you're WAY ahead of the curve! I was cranky for reasons that aren't nearly as poetic and ambitious as yours I'm embarrassed to say.

Anyway, all of your friends are right; you'll find your own way. My creativity is spent very much like yours is: thinking about projects and making copious notes about them. I've also started working on his baby book which has been fun. Oh and now I'm obsessing over his one year party details so these are the very little ways that I get to work in the things I like to do in addition to taking care of my little guy.

Don't worry about it Stacie, it will all happen for you all in good time. You're doing such a phenomenal job with Isabella and are so driven that I have no doubt you will accomplish everything you want and more.

[Frida]

That photo is gorgeous! It was so lovely to meet you. You are doing such a great job of surfing all the changes that beautiful Bella has brought x

[Jacki]

Beautiful photo, you never lost it, it just took a mini vacation for something more important.
I have no wise words of wisdom as I don't have a little one...
It's very lovely to see you finding yourself again. I feel sure more will come in time.

[darlene]

its been a very long time since my six foot tall jocko (oh my gosh, he is 13 and six feet tall!!) was a babe in my arms but i do remember that all my creativity went by the wayside and it was all i could do to write a half decent paper for school. but. i do remember when he was toddling around, the table was filled with brown paper and paints and squishy colour all over our hands and feet and everywhere and i also remember writing mad poems and plays and attending rehearsals by the time he was speaking and laughing and playing in the dirt. it creeps back in on you bit by bit, shared creativity filled with something so much more than what you had before because you have participated in the most beautiful creative act ever, the creation of becoming a momma.

:)

that photo is gentle and creative and beautiful and absolutely gorgeous!! like you ... xoxox

[Tina]

Stacie,

I can so empathize with you! I felt it more when Jordan was born than with Cheyenne though, only because I was heavily into scrapbooking by then. My girls are of school age now and I still crave that creative time, however it is much easier now than when it was.

I would suggest maybe trying to carve out an hour (or even a 1/2 hour) of time each day (or even week if every day isn't possible).

By gettting on some sort of routine, if you can, it will make it easier to keep up with it, giving you that release of time that is just for you. Even us mommies need our "ME" time.

[Megan]

Jimmy rocks!!

And so do you. I can't relate on a mommy level, but coming from a doting aunt, I know how you feel.

But you and everyone else is right, soon, you will be creating together. And we all can't WAIT to see that!

(oh, this is megan from fleetingmoments, by the way, I changed blogs... seems my creative mojo was charged with a new scene. :)

[windylindy]

Hey did you guys know Stacie's birthday is July 2......

Kiss and hugsss

[Celeste]

You know I remembered feeling very mired the first time I became a mom...especially in those early months between nursing, changing...trying to catch some zzzz's, I simply had no time to paint. It is so hard because we are so passionately in love with our children, and yet feel a little frightened that a very important part of ourselves might be fading a bit.

From my experience though(my youngest is turning 9 in July.:) it gets so much better...and I think you'll find it amazing how much you'll inspire sweet little Bella to find her own creative path. Trust me Stacie...eventually everything falls into place...beautifully...

xo

[Celine]

I think we experience it all the same because we are all the same. Motherhood first. For me it took me years before I become again an "entrepreneur", a "wife", a "friend" and "be myself". But when I look at Bella 's pictures she is growing so fast... that soon you will be again the one you want to be plus a fantastic,loving, caring mother.And as said Celeste..everything falls into place...beautifully. Thrue.

[Celine]

I think we experience it all the same because we are all the same. Motherhood first. For me it took me years before I become again an "entrepreneur", a "wife", a "friend" and "be myself". But when I look at Bella 's pictures she is growing so fast... that soon you will be again the one you want to be plus a fantastic,loving, caring mother.And as said Celeste..everything falls into place...beautifully. Thrue.

[boho girl]

so glad to hear you know that your creative mojo is still living within you and even perhaps manifesting itself through loving Bella creatively.

all that you dream for your artistic endeavors will come to fruition. you're too spicy for it not to happen. ; )

...and i am sure Bella will follow suit.

xoxo

ps. cool composition by jimmy...

[mccabe]

hi you,
i came over here to say hi and see if there are any new bella pictures.

i like what you said about feeling more creative since bella.
that totally makes sense, since you created her. :)

it must be a bit frustrating to have all these incredible ideas and then not have a free hand to create them! that would make me cranky too-even if i had an angel on my hip.

the beautiful thing about creativity is that it is not something you can lose like a tooth. it is always in there, no matter how much time passes. (which i am guessing is the theme of this post)

okay, i hate to give advice-especially when someone does not ask for it, but i have to say each time i come here i have a thought and i hope it is okay to share with you. it is only a suggestion, of course.

this is what keeps coming to me:
"it is okay to ask for help."

i have hired a couple of young girls to help me out now and then when i get overwhelmed. don't ask me why, but this thought did not even dawn on me till recently.

just a thought for the future.

you are doing great right now and i am proud of you for keeping it real and bringing beauty to this world.

wishing you all a beautiful day-
mccabe xoxo

[pink sky]

beautiful photo...so glad you exchanged the cranky pants for the ones with flair! you can tuck them in the bottom drawer for when you need them later (we all do!)