full circle

my two greatest loves and constant joy

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began...

~ Mary Oliver

the first blog i ever read was dooce. i remember being at work, sitting in my cubicle doing a search for something on google, and her site came up. Curious, i clicked on the link and spent the rest of the day reading as many of her archives as possible.

Like so many others, I was sucked in by her writing and was intrigued by her life and the fact that she was putting it all out there for all the world to see. From there I remember the next three blogs I discovered were Megan's, Andrea's and Karen's. I was hooked. These women were sharing their stories and each day I would check to see if there were new postings like some fan-crazed stalker. A whole new world had opened up to me. I didn't know these people, but for some reason, I wanted to.

Although I knew my writing style paled in comparison to these women, they, unbeknowst to them, inspired me to start my own blog one December morning right after getting rightsized from a ridiculous corporate job I had.

From that day my life has changed. For once I felt like I belonged somehow. I found soulmates. Strong, creative women who understood what I was going through when my story changed and I was longing to be a mother, and failing miserably. I've learned a lot about myself through my blog and have found amazing kindreds.

I have been able to express myself in new ways to my wonderful friends and family. I have made amazing connections and deep, wide friendships with some incredible women all around the world who have shown me friendship way beyond commenting on each other's blogs.  It doesn't matter that we haven't met in person yet, we will. You know who you are and the world is a better place because you are in it, and you have made me a better person as well simply by knowing you.

I also found a kapha soul sister who will be my friend for life as we have sailed a thousand seas together in both rocky and calm waters. She teaches me daily about acceptance, living authentically and how to be a better friend and I am forever grateful that she floated into my life like an angel. She is a garden friend for life.

I am forever grateful to all of the people who have come into my world because of blogging and especially for being able to nurture and go much deeper into my existing, established, beautiful friendships ~ my tribe. You also know who you are. Thank you also to all of you who have ever left a comment here, or reached out to me by email to share with me your own stories. You kept me lifted on my journey to motherhood and supported in all areas of my life.

But for now I am feeling it's time to close this Schmoopy chapter of my life. Not permanently, but I feel it's time for a sabbatical. My days are all about Isabella now and most days I am covered in drool and breastmilk. I realize this is not something I wish to write about day in and day out for the simple fact that I love nothing more than being drowned each day in drool and breastmilk and I realize that might become boring to read. Everything about motherhood, even the screaming, makes me happy and I don't know how many ways I can write that. Having said that, I am being pulled, rather forcefully, down a different path that I wish to follow in this moment.   

I read something years ago that said in your life to find "meaningful work". I have been searching for this for years but always seemed to end up in jobs that I didn't feel were very meaningful or rewarding. Because of this, I was always searching, and perhaps looked a bit flakey to those who knew me in my pursuit.

Some women are attracted to the wrong men for them, I am always attracted to the wrong job for me.

When asked, "well, what is it you want to do?" my only answer would be that I wanted to contribute something positive to the world.

Perhaps I am still trying to figure out what that is, but giving birth to Isabella has brought a profound sense of purpose and meaning to my life. I wake up each morning excited to see her smiling face and to see what the day will bring. Right now she is my meaningful work.

So now I have come full circle. I began this blog being kicked out of one job and now exit voluntarily leaving another. I gave notice at my corporate day job and last Friday was my final day.  At one time it was a dream job for me, now it doesn't make sense for me to stay. So much has happened and I have changed. What I want to manifest in my life has changed. I leave one job with a steady paycheck for another form of work that is miles more rewarding.

I have written about this before but I have had two pychic's tell me that when I turned forty I would discover my artist and leave my job in sales. They both told me a little girl would come into my life when the time was right, the first saying it may take her a while to get here, and she would be the center of my universe. I was told I was put on this earth to inspire. One told me he saw me writing in an a-framed cabin in the woods, the other told me she saw me teaching and designing. Both were vague on the details ~ writing what? designing what? teaching what?... and where was this cabin exactly? did i own it or was i just visiting?

I think it's time for me to find out. I suppose these are the blanks that I need to fill in. It's very scary to leave the security of a steady paycheck behind, but for me, it's even scarier to stay for that very same reason. All decisions are now based on my daughter and to lead by example means I want her to see that her parents have designed their lives in a way that makes them happy and fulfilled, so she can do the same and not attach fear to that. But trust me, I am still working on the fear part, the money (or lack thereof) part, the shrinking part. However, I read this post today which opened up the big picture to me all over again.

Whether I succeed beyond imagination in branching out on my own or fail miserably, I at least have to say I gave it my all.

I've talked about all of this before and now the talking part is over. It's time for action. This was the place I came to access those deeper layers of me, to indulge in retrospectiveness, to write it out, to be vulnerable. Now my world has changed. Now I am present in each moment of Isabella and meeting her immediate needs and I find myself needing to express myself in a different way.

Inspired by Karen, I am trading in my written story here at Schmoopy for one told in pictures. Not to be overly dramatic, but this is a difficult decision for me, but one that also feels right for this time. I hope you will still visit me in my new space for a daily glimpse into our lives. I feel images tell the story much better than I can these days.

My Etsy store will be open September 1st and has been a long time in the making. I will be launching a line of jewelry that empowers ~ inspired my daughter and her mermaid wishes, and one word: hope.  I am so giddy and can hardly wait. I have been spending some time cleaning, clearing, saging and creating new space in my studio for new opportunities to open up. There will be a new blog accompanying my new business that will have more of a meaningful work bent to it where I will be sharing my new story of being my own boss and watching my seedling grow.  I hope this may inspire others as well. My wish is you will visit me there too. I will post the link as soon as it's up.

Perhaps I will find my way here again one day, perhaps I won't. It's been an amazing journey, and one that continues. I am grateful.

May you all continue to share your stories with the world. You make a difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Thank you everyone for your comments on my last post. Wow, I really appreciate the support. I will definitely be sharing my story, coupled with exactly how I ate and will announce how, and when, i plan to get it out in the world in a way that feels right for me and makes sense as soon as i figure out what that is.

I have written to some of you and will continue to do so to answer your specific questions and comments. thank you again! xoxo

Comments

[sonrie]

I have read your blog for a few months now...good luck with your future endeavors...your child clearly has a wonderful mother behind her always.

[kristen]

congratulations and best wishes for your sweet family of three. i smiled big - your girl is delicious.

i love how blogging has come full circle for you, i started on dooce also.

and your photo blog is lovely - i look forward to following you there.

[Carnell Maynard]

It probably is time for you to move on. Why do we hesitate to execute? Who knows, but this quote may shed a little light.

What is your Deepest Fear?
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.....You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world....We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us......it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. by Marianne Williams.

On you Rebel XTI, you should look into the Cannon 10-20mm, or the sigma 10-20mm close up lens. It will capture all the photos you want with precise and perfect detail. Costly, but the dividends will quickly surpass the cost.

As you continue to be liberated, I see you and your guy on motorcycles, cruising the pacific coast highway. Find a Motorcycle safety couse. Talk about liberating.

Good luck and god speed on your new journey.

[amy]

thank you so much for all the wise and lovely words you have shared here. your stories have provided food for thought and for the soul. i look forward to following your adventures in a different form. take care.

[Thea]

ahhhh isn't that post on Christines blog perfect?

Oh love you do write so very well about youyr journey and coming full circle. It just makes me grin ear to ear and do a wiggle and a shake in my seat with excitement of all this wonderous energy I am feeling from this post.

I too have been wondering how my blog fits into shifts I am making....you sharing this helps me gain better perspective.

Love you girl-and wow your two loves are absolutely gorgeous-just like you
XO

[Brandon]

Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect that children are more likely to thank their parents for showing them that nothing is impossible and that dreams should be pursued than they are to thank them for providing for every material want. Since my boys came into my life, I'm more determined than ever to live my life to the fullest, do all the things I've wanted to do. I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to show them how you live your dreams instead of telling them to live theirs.

Congratulations on making the leap. Best of luck!

[sueberry]

wow.....this is a lot to take in & your schmoopy pages will certainly be missed, however, I will certainly tune in to your photo blog! You have always been an inspiration to many & certainly, you are for your daughter!! I wish you nothing but wonderful things in life. You are theeee calmest new mom I have ever seen. You make it seem almost effortless, while I am sure it's so not the case.

Isabella is gorgeous, as are her parents (inside & out). She is a very lucky little girl & I know you will be a great success!! Best of luck to you in all of your new ventures & ADventures. I am always here for support, should you need it.

I don't know what more I can say.....YOU GO GIRL! :) XOXO

[jeanne]

Stacie - I KNOW you will be amazing on this next step in your journey. Thank you for sharing all that you have on your blog. I am so happy for you and Jimmy -- Bella is absolutely beautiful inside and out (how could she not be with you two). Congrats and huge hugs.

[jen]

can't wait to keep following your life in pictures :)

[boho girl]

loved every bit of this.
i have butterflies in my belly for you.
so thrilling, honey.

xo

[Lizzie]

You, Boho Girl, and Dancing Mermaid are among the bloggers who I look to for daily inspiration, whether you know it or not. And today, again, you have not failed me. I truly admire your gumption and courage to go for your dreams. It seems that you certainly have the fortitude and support to manifest the joy of a new chapter in your life. I will definitely be sticking around to see how things unfold. Thank you for sharing your life with us and best of all things to you and yours.

[LD in PDX]

Thank you! And Good Morning! A brand new day awaits!

[Nancy Orozco]

Thank you for your honesty, courage and inspiration. Best wishes and look forward to supporting your next venture... I need a blog of my own, writing is so soothing and empowering.

Nancy

[Eileen Weigand]

Schmoopy,
You have so inspired me to open up through this medium about creativity, loss, passions and life overall. Thank you- yours is a graceful soul which touches many and will soar to dizzying heights I'm sure. xoxo
Yours fondly,
Eileen

[mccabe]

~you have wings~
i can see them from here.

all GOOD things,
i am so excited for you!!!

love,
mccabe xx

[d.]

I'm pretty sure you already know this, but I'll say it anyway just in case; I will follow you anywhere my dear! Good luck and God Bless!

You've always been an inspiration to me...your candor, your loving spirit, your ability to live and let live, your patience and your creativity. I'm sure you'll do many great things as always.

Isabella is very lucky to have you as a mother.

Love you!

[megg]

I am SO happy to read and feel all of the energy in this post! It reads and feels like a metamorphosis! Let us know when you emerge & I will follow you anywhere!!!!

[Jaclyn]

Full circle, how beautiful.

I also noticed that you've gone back to Stacy with a y. Full circle indeed.

I cannot wait to see your life through pictures.

[Tina]

what a gorgeous photo of the two most important people in your life!

I will truly miss reading your blog, but COMPLETELY understand the path your life is taking you.

Bella needs her momma and all her love and creativeness.

I do enjoy the daily pictures, and love that you went back to Stacy on there too. :)

[patricia]

you go girl! love ya (and that picture of jimmy and isabella)...rock on sweetie...

[liza]

I am so excited for you and can't wait to check out your jewelry! Especially themed around hope. What a powerful word that has meant for me in the past and present. You (and your girlfriends!) are such an inspiration for me.

[kathleen]

this post is so well written.
i can completely relate to your choices and how scary they can be.
when i left teaching, i was not only leaving a paycheck, but i was leaving part of my identity behind. part of my heart, too.
as well, i am exploring the artist in me with my photography.
i don't regret a single day of breastmilk/drool bliss. i wouldn't have it any other way.
it is hard sometimes. but being present for your sweet baby...well...there is nothin' better.

i look forward to seeing your journey and reading your words.

congratulations on going for it.

xo

[Kirsten Michelle]

even as you close this chapter...
you are an inspiration.
looking forward to following and supporting you as you spread your wings...
showing so many of us...
and your beautiful baby girl...
how it's done.
love and blessings.
xo

[gypsy alex]

I can't wait for more stories, Schmoops! Loving you from here and thanking you for sharing your beauty and wisdom with us ~ xo ~

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