unravelling

reflection in my bathroom mirror~ taken with iPhone

I'm really enjoying the lovely Susannah's e-course Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self. She has such a gentle way of guiding her students behind the lens to document pieces of ourselves. Since it's not about the technical aspects of photography, but more along the lines of using photographs as a personal journal, I have pretty much shot all of my assignments using my iPhone. It's been both fun and revealing and has allowed me to simply take shots in a very spontaneous and playful way without worrying how pretty they are.

I haven't been sharing many of my photos with the entire class, mostly because there are too many to post, but I thought I would share this one since I haven't posted a self-portrait since before Isabella was born. As usual, I am hiding my face behind a camera.

This is me in typical "mama" mode. Big, crazy, unkept hair, crumpled t-shirt and sweats, not making the time to make myself "pretty" for the camera. It's the raw and real me.

For me, this photo reveals so much into how I see myself, I tend to always want to hide my face in photos, never wanting that to be the focus (unless there is an amazing photographer involved) . I am digging deeper into why that is. Is it simply because I don't think I am photogenic and usually cringe when I see pictures of myself, or is it something else? Hmmmm......

Week three into her course and I am slowly starting to unravel, in a good way. I am also preparing for next week's assignment which is going to force me to face these insecurities head on.

Yikes.

Comments

[Carol]

It's quite strange the way that we see ourselves. I've always found you to be beautiful, you are beautiful. I look forward to viewing what you share as you delve deeper.

[Susannah]

i think you are doing a wonderful job and i am so happy you are enjoying the class :)

[denise andrade]

loving the way you unravel.
my precious beauty of a friend.
we love you.

[vivienne]

thank you for sharing!

its a pretty wonderful course isn't it!
i took it in the last session and loved the way it really did unravel and change the way i see myself in general and through the camera.
powerful stuff!

[kimberly]

wanted to pop over and say hello from the unravelling world.
so enjoying your photos and your comments!

[stacy]

hi kimberly!

i love our unravelling world.

xo

[stacy]

hi carol: it's not a matter of beauty, i think with me i am just always surprised at what i see in photos. i think i look a certain way and then the photo reveals something completely different. i often wonder if my perception of myself is skewed in terms of physical appearance. i am not sure if i am explaining this right. while one part of me is accepting and loving of myself, there is the other part that has been with me my entire life... the part that secretly wishes i looked like her, her or her. that is also why i think susannah's course is important. it giving me a different perspective.

deni + sus: smooches, lovelies.

vivenne: yes, it's wonderful and i highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. i jumped on your site, your photos are gorgeous!

xo

[linni]

My brother is also a photographer...and i used to asked him to see the photo first to see if he should take a different one. He has always been so patient with me...and then the one day, he snapped and just said to me:'Lin, face it. that is how you look'.

that was the last time i ever asked to look at a photo of myself again. It is true...it is how i look. I am me. I don't have anything to hide....this is it...teehee!! (saying all this with my chest out...holding my breath!)

smile....it is interesting how we see each other...we once did an exercise while i was studying and we all had to name a color, furniture/animal etc. when you think of a certain person in your group....what an eye opener....i'll send you an email...which you can publish if you want xx

[Marianne]

you are a beauty through and through, but you are also not the only one who avoids the camera and i think it is fantastic that you are digging into that a bit - it is very brave and i'm sure it will reward you with riches. xoxo

[Belinda]

You look absolutely amazing, but I do understand exactly what you mean about self-perception and photos.

I have taken a handful of self-portraits, but have always taken care to hide myself in them, to the best of my ability. Photos taken by other people depress me as well, as I just see a visual shortcut for all the failures of my life (40lbs too heavy for one thing, paler, more tired, more unhappy, more stressed, more lonely etc etc). Even looking in the mirror is a traumatic experience, as the person staring back looks completely different to that in my mind's eye. If only I could bridge that gap between reality and my imagination...!

Good luck with the rest of the course, and with unravelling your insecurities. I'm sure that you'll be (and look!) fantastic.

[denise andrade]

totally honored.
your beauty melts me.
so, its easy for me to focus on your face. ; )

but i hear you...and feel you...and resonate...and understand.
xo

[jana]

what a lovely blog, what lovely friends you have here. I cannot wait to get to know you more; there is definitely resemblances in our journey. your darling, I'm honored to be unravelling with you.

[Juliana]

This pic is a really great, un-professional, just thrown together photo, that captures a beautiful essence...I love this shot for what it is worth...

[Carla]

O.k. I gotta ask.... I've been drooling over your ring. Is it a pearl? Did you make it? Please tell me where I can satiate my appetite for this adorable & funky accessory. I'd love to hear from you. samzstoryteller@hotmail.com