the space between

Isabella and me taken by either Kim or Dyer with my camera

Before giving birth to Isabella, and Bella Wish, I worked with high school students for a few years. Because my days were scheduled around the LA Unified School District schedule, it meant that I pretty much had the summers free since many students and teachers were not in the classroom during these months.

One of the few things I will say I miss about working for this particular company was having around 80 deliciously lazy days in the summer months in which to do anything I pleased. Okay, I miss the steady paycheck too. My colleagues and I worked so hard during the school year that having that time off was like recharging our batteries. It also gave me a new appreciation and understanding of what teachers of all grade levels must go through.

We all get overwhelmed, that's part of life. If you were to unroll my current to-do list it would travel out the door, down the stairs, over the hill and into the next county. Not only that, but when I do finally check some big item off that I feel good about, twenty more items will instantaneously show up in it's place.

When my plate fills up like this, I tend to become frozen and not do any of it. I become foggy and lazy and wish to pretend I'm an ostrich and hide my head in the sand. Because I was noticing this pattern emerge lately, I finally had to accept and see the difference between all that needs to be done versus what I am realistically able to get done and let go of the pressure I was putting on myself. I was longing for some lazy summer days.

Something I have been neglecting is taking care of my own heart -- why don't we ever put things like that on our lists? Taking care of my daughter during the day plus doing my best to run this household, working late into each night and then again all weekend while Jimmy and Isabella went to play was causing me to feel lost between what I want to do for work and what I need to do for work.

In the spaces between of all this business of feeling that I had too much to do that was filling my every moment of every day,  I was finding myself craving things like movies, books, cooking, sleep, laughter and play, stillness, family time... and yes a pedicure... still.

I started to recognize that my own batteries needed recharging and even though my former teachers taught me that summer break came to be so children could help their parents in the fields back in the day (why did they have to harsh my mellow) I see summer break as a time to recharge so that we might come back to ourselves and our work fresh-faced and renewed and eagerly ready to write those What I did on my summer vacation papers.

I decided to indulge in the spaces between must do's and should do's and give myself a bit of a summer break from the pressures of doing it all now. The past few weeks I have enjoyed some vacation time to allow myself to just play on the weekends with my family, watch movies, try a new recipe, go to sleep when Isabella does, or indulge in reading a book for pleasure so that I may come back to my work completely inspired and with renewed zest and vigor. I am ready to take it all on and be present to my passion again.

Next week our dear friend Dawn is coming to stay and play for two weeks as part of her own summer holiday. Right now the plan is to head to the Bay Area for a few days and perhaps spend a little time on sailboat. I can't wait to get Isabella out on the water.

I am finally ready to embrace some lazy summer days ahead.

Comments

[Natalie Revie]

Hi Stacie, have been reading your blog for a while and thoroughly enjoying it, you write beautifully. Isabella is gorgeous, I have a little girl a bit younger, what a roller coaster ride toddlerdom is huh?
Just wanted to say that what you said really resonated with me, when I get too busy and overwhelemed I totally freeze and get stuck. Have just had a period like this and it is sooo hard to get out of - giving myself a break is what I've finally had to do, but do you have any tips for getting re-motivated?

[Natalie Revie]

Hi Stacie, have been reading your blog for a while and thoroughly enjoying it, you write beautifully. Isabella is gorgeous, I have a little girl a bit younger, what a roller coaster ride toddlerdom is huh?
Just wanted to say that what you said really resonated with me, when I get too busy and overwhelemed I totally freeze and get stuck. Have just had a period like this and it is sooo hard to get out of - giving myself a break is what I've finally had to do, but do you have any tips for getting re-motivated?

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

Oh! I absolutely agree - it is so easy to fill up all the spaces with "productivity" until there is no time for the ground to law fallow so the fertility for growth can return. I hope that our time together next week can be a window of filling the well and not just another busy thing to add to the list! xx

[PixieDust]

I know all too well the pitfalls of go, go, go, with no time for YOU in between. Take care, take it easy, and good for you setting yourself on a path that leads you to wonderful time and memories with your family.

(((HUGS))),
Love,
me

[sueberry]

ENJOY the visit & The vacation up North....I'm jealous! Bring me back something pretty......like Isabella photos. ha ha! Hugs to you both. She's so gorgeous & this pic of you 2 is just wonderful. XOXO

[doorways traveler]

yes.
from one sometimes pretend ostrich to another: yes.
take the space, sigh and stretch. you will only be the better for it.
to summer days, lisa

[nicole kraft]

sometimes i feel like we live in parallel universes. :) enjoy your summer girl.

[linni]

Have a fabulous time..and don't do anything you have to do every day...unless you really really want to...e.g...the fruit juice is dripping off Isabella's mouth....you think..'i have to clean it'...and then you think...no! i don't have to....it's holidays...lazing about doing nothing except some lovin! Have fun! xx

[megg]

I can't believe how big she is getting!!

Have a wonderful, wonderful time!!!

xoox

[reddawn]

Stacy - I cannot wait to visit, I think we will have so much fun, even if all we do is sit around and do absolutely nothing!

I took a 7 Habits of Highly Effective People course once, and they suggested sitting down with a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on one specific activity. We hardly give anything 5 uninterrupted minutes, and I've found that spending 5 minutes around the items that seem overwhelming over my list ends up really helping to plan some small steps towards achieving them. You might see if that works for you - it could make all those should/have tos seem not so daunting.

Hugs and kisses and see you Friday!

[gkgirl]

this sounds exactly right...
we all need time and opportunity
to recharge in whatever way it is
that does the trick for us...

great insights!

[jenica]

ah yes, the stress overwhelms me into a cathartic state as well. one thing i discovered from a friend is that i was always feeling guilty for procrastinating... but when it came down to it, i never missed my deadlines, i always got it done in record time. so now i allow myself to play without guilt knowing that i will kick it into gear, get it done, and do it right.

enjoy these moments with yourself being free. it feels too damned good not to!

xoxo