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The morning after Jimmy bandaged it for me

After Dr. Spice bandaged it for me

Isabella caught a cold over the weekend so I decided to keep her indoors this past Monday so she could rest and continue to heal. By 3:00 pm she was itching to get outside so I suggested we get all bundled up since it was raining that day and go for a walk. She was very into this idea and immediately climbed into her stroller.

Mia still needed to be dressed and placed in her carrier, blankets needed to be packed and I needed some shoes. As Isabella became less patient, I became more hurried and remembered that my shoes were on the floor near the foot of our bed. I sprinted down our hallway towards the bedroom where I saw my boots.

I bent down but before my arms could reach them I was abruptly interrupted when my left eye caught the very sharp corner of our heavy wooden bed.

I saw stars. For a moment I felt what it must be like for an egg that had just been cracked for an omelette. I haven't felt physical pain like that since I broke and dislocated my kneecap while cross-country skiing years ago. Upon impact I felt a pain so intense that I could smell it, it's reach radiated through my nose out to my cheeks and wrapped itself around my head.

I knew whatever I had done was bad but somehow kept it together and didn't scream or cry. I didn't make a sound and amazingly not one four-letter word left my lips. I don't know where this calmness came from because inside I was screaming but I knew it had something to do with the two little souls in the other room waiting not-so-patiently for their mama.

I walked down the hallway to where Isabella and Mia were waiting with my hand covering my eye. I was so afraid to look at what I had just done that my hand stayed there for what seemed like hours while I wondered how bad it actually was. I thought for sure if I opened my left eye I wouldn't be able to see. I thought the worst and didn't want to face it just yet. I calmly told Isabella that we weren't going for a walk after all and that I was taking her out of the stroller. She cried. Hard.

In that moment all I could do was let her which was in many ways even more painful.

I finally found the nerve to remove my hand to see what the damage was and my fingers were covered in blood. A lot of blood. I then walked over to the mirror and saw that I was bleeding from a cut above my eye and not actually from my eye. When I opened my eye I could see. It was at that point that I finally exhaled and found my breath. I knew it was bad but I also knew that my eye was fine and it could have been so much worse. I was in pain but also felt relief.

I called Jimmy who told me he would come home as soon as he was able. Later that evening he constructed a small butterfly bandage, putting my eyelid back together as best as he could.

When Isabella saw the blood she was understandably scared and she cried harder. I sat with her and just held her and tried to forget my pain while easing hers. Over the past few days we've talked a lot about what happened so she could connect it all and understand that we all get boo boos sometimes.

I wanted to encourage her to talk about her feelings having witnessed this and not keep those fears about what she saw inside. Last night she sat on the couch with me while were reading and asked me in her quite animated way, "Mommy, are you sad because you have a REALLY REALLY BIIIIIG OWIE!?"

I love her so much, she never ceases to make me laugh.

Having never had a cut quite like this, I didn't know I was supposed to go to ER right away.  When I saw Doctor Spice* the next morning he questioned why I didn't come in when it happened.  He said I could have used stitches but they can't put them in after 12 hours since the body has already started healing. I had no idea. Now I do.

He did say that Jimmy did such a great job bandaging me the night before that it's most likely my new scar will be hardly noticable at all. Jimmy used to work in the medical field. I am endlessly counting the ways I am blessed by having him in my life and after fourteen years he still amazes me with his survival skills.

Someone said I deserved a Mother of the Year Award for not going to the ER when it happened because I had my two little ones to take care of. I could not disagree more. What I deserve is a Dumb as F&@% Award for not taking care of myself when it happened. I want to model for my children that they need to get help in an emergency and not just brush it off like it's no big deal which is what I did that day. Which is what I have done for years in fact. No awards here... just a bit of swelling, some arnica and a few ice packs.

I've been making fun of myself in these past days since it's happened. Making light of the whole situation has been easy and helps me keep it all in perspective, but the truth is I've also been in a bit of a funk since it's happened and I'm not sure why. I suppose any kind of trauma is bound to do that; seeing blood and being in pain is certainly unsettling.

The experience was so jarring and unexpected that parts of me are feeling quite tender and emotional surrounding it though I am not quite sure what I am so funked up about. I can't say for sure, but I don't think it has much to do with the physical part; I have a small collection of scars already and think our battle wounds can be quite sexy. But I do wonder if the metaphorical part of being an open wound has something to do with it. Sort of a post-injury depression as it were. I just don't know right now.

I am wondering if any of you have similar stories and how you were able to deal with the strange feelings, if any, that crept up for you afterwards. If you do please share, I would really like to know your story.

* I call him Dr. Spice because something about him reminds me of the guy from the Old Spice commercials. When he speaks to me I am often just waiting for him to end his thought with "I'm on a horse".

Comments

[Emme]

Stacy, you poor thing! Ouch!! Is it possible you have a mild concussion? My daughter split her forehead open last Spring from hitting her head on a bar on the playground, had a pretty bad concussion and she was very sensitive and weepy for days after. She also felt lethargic and nauseous. Just take good care of yourself, and allow lots of snuggle and resting time while you heal. Hope you feel better soon!

[Tina]

I remember that type of feeling too, when I got hurt or something like that. For me, I think it was a fear of something happening to me and not being able to be there for my girls. Not wanting them to worry about me. I remember crying about it. Crying I think because I felt I wasn't that strong person I wanted to be for them. What would they do without me? It took me a long time to realize it and once I did, along with talking with friends and people, I realized that I'm human, just like everyone else and there are going to be times where I am hurt. I learned to have a back up plan for someone to watch my girls if I had to go to the dr. or something like that. I taught them 911. I explain the best I can to them if something goes wrong or I get a booboo.

[pixie]

I knocked myself out cold two years ago on the liftgate of my jeep. I woke up minutes later to a lot of blood, stars and fortunately, several family members home who were able to help. Miles was unbelievably calm, and soothed me by rubbing my arm as I lay on the couch with an ice pack. An hour later I was driving to Santa Barbara to see Robert Plant and Alison Kraus and what came up for me that I'm sad to report is that I shamed myself for being in a hurry, often moving unconsciously, being in my head. It was a good lesson in grounding when in a rush, which I often am, but I can do without the "I'm such and idiot" talk. Over time, it decreases, but it still stings to hear myself say it inside. I would never talk to my husband or child like that if they hurt themselves.
Sending you healing wishies for your boo boo, love.

[sas]

bloody hell that looks so sore - it made me wince just to see it.

i was born with a heart condition that is passed on my mothers side of the family. this required open heart surgery when I was 4. in new zealand in 1973, it was the first time the operation had been performed and it was a long ordeal requiring weeks in intensive care and years of aftercare. i have few memories of those years.

i have also be left with a long scar that snakes its way from my side and then under my breast to the middle of my body. it is mostly hidden from view and i also have scars on my heart.

these literal scars have provided a lot of comfort to me when I have felt the hurt of a broken or bruised heart. they make me feel stronger, tougher, able to handle anything. and i am able to feel the hurt as well, i feel very protective of my heart that has been through so much.

taking care of ourselves is so important. that kindness is the lesson i think. and i am sending you this from my hotel where i am staying alone for a few days. i needed to be by the ocean and just breath before heading back to work. i just slept for 10 hours and the sun is rising. there is a big smile on my face.

take care xxx

[windylindy]

Kiss and a Kick..Sounds like Irish Yin and Yang my darling daughter I just had to post sorry for making this lite hearted.. You did well and your girls should feel your every movement.. They have trials to observe, defend and hurtle over.

Love, crazy gma Linda

[melissa]

Oh Stacy it does look painful and as soon as I saw the first picture it brought me back to my eye injury almost 2 years ago. I had just broken up with my boyfriend but we still lived in the same house. I was getting a christmas tree because even though we weren't together anymore i still wanted a tree in the house. my brother helped me get the tree to his house but then i had to put it in my car to get it the rest of the way home. i was tying down the tree with a bungee cord and yes, you guessed it, it slipped and nailed me smack dab in the eye. it was the scariest most unbelievable pain i have ever felt. there was no blood on the outside but when i went to the eye doctor there was plenty of blood on the inside. he was kind of mean to me because as I learned later he was so scared the i had detached my retina and was going to need surgery. He sent me to a specialist, who by the way was super cute. luckily my eye healed itself but i too was in a funk for awhile. how could i be so stupid to have an accident like that. i could have done some major damage but luckily all is ok except for a few floaters in my vision. i can relate to your funk and i wish i could give you a big hug. loving you....m

[Melissa]

Oh my.. Looks like a shiner for sure. You poor thing.
I so understand pain so deep that you can't react. I stubbed my toe and really believe I broke it.. didn't go to the doc either. My foot is still sore and it's been 3 weeks. I felt pain that radiated to my knee. I too couldn't look to see how bad it was.

Be gentle with yourself.

[Daphne]

Oh, ouch. Facial wounds are always so shocking. I am usually in a funk after something bleeding, too. I wonder if it is our bodies' way of making us take it down a notch for a bit after a trauma, to slow down and heal and not get all excited and want to rush around doing fun stuff. Regardless, take really good care of yourself and let your family love you back into health. It's scary to be reminded of how fragile (and strong) we all really are.

[Amber]

Oh wow, that looks painful. Thank goodness it wasn't your eye. Yikes. Fast healing thoughts to you.

[Eileen]

Ouchie!!! I remember when this happened from fb posting and was hopeful you were getting some attention soon. These kinds of injuries, crazy accidents, bring out the comic and the contemplative in me as well. Funky is a good word choice too. Pain that intense is overwhelming to the system and I think our minds and hearts have to catch up to it in effect.

I had a not so similar event that left me shaken, strangely uplifted and ended in miscarriage. In February, around Valentine's day, I went through anaphylaxis shock from something I ate in my own home. (Might have been tunafish or the organic mushroom soup or the bread- not able to discern which of all of them brought it about). I did go to the Health Ctr at my university and ended up in the ER room. At one point during treatment when my chest hurt, I realized that I could die that day and there was nothing I could do about it. Strangely, I accepted it and realized I had done the best I could do and that was enough. It's hard to put in words the peace I felt. The sadness hit when a few weeks later we realized I had had an allergic response to my pregnancy- surreal, but it happens.
In the time since these events, I've begun to learn how to let go of some of what I thought I wanted, to make room for new dreams to grow and to love myself exactly as I am. Loving yourself first, is a lifelong process and even harder when you have 2 beloved souls to care for and love through life. You are always worth care and as your husband showed you, such wonderful care it was almost as though you had gone to the ER. Thank you for sharing your story about your eye and the feelings you've been coping with since the pain first hit. xoxoxo

[Trish]

Oh my goodness! That is quite a battle wound.

I've cut the cornea of my eye twice. One while brushing my hair with the little bristle on the brush and the other time with my fingernail. The pain is beyond imaginable. Childbirth is easier and I'm serious lol...Anyway, the second time I had to call 911 because I could not even stand, so embarrassing when the fire dept, ambulance and police come a callin'. I had to be taken via ambulance one to blocks from where I live. I could not drive and they always make sure it is not a domestic assault. Anyway, they put this numbing drop in my eye and verified that the nail scraped my corea. I was prescribed some codeine tylenol and did you know that the eye and inside of the mouth are the two quickest healing parts of the body? The first time I cut my cornea with the flicked hair brush it was a day or two within my heart being broken. Kindly the doctor said I had beautiful blue eyes and deserved better, what a sweet guy. Tough time walking around with an eye patch that now Johnny Depp has made fashionable with the Pirates of the Caribbean :) Anyway, I'm so glad you are okay. The two little meatballs, Isabella and Mia need their momma to rest up. Send me your home address so I can properly send you a nice, cheery card that I had. My email is patriciadolan10@gmail.com. The comcast account is good too.

Much love to you,
oxox
Trish

[_Melissa_]

Oh dear! Heal quickly.

[renee]

yeah, to sort of echo tina's comment, i think it is jarring in a really deep and resonant way to be injured when you are with your kids. no matter how stoic you are at the time, no matter how manageable the circumstances, there is still that feeling of terrifying and seemingly impossible vulnerability -- not so much for you as for them. i once ALMOST passed out (saw stars, black spots, felt dizzy, had to sit) when i was alone with my daughter, and even though nothing happened, for days i was bothered, almost post-traumatic-y. i think the fear of having something happen to yourself while you are caring for your kid(s) is among THE most unsettling experiences a momma can have. in terms of getting through it -- maybe you don't? i mean, i think the fear/stress/anxiety response that lingers for days has a purpose.
anyway -- sorry about your eye. it looks just scary, and i empathize with the pain AND the ickiness. but in a few days it will be, both physically and emotionally, as if nothing happened -- though i am certain you will never again bend down near your bed without pause ;)